George & Wendy Show

Wendy Parker

Alert! Le Pew’s on the toilet!

| February 15, 2013

“Wait! Don’t open the door, I think my pet skunk is in here! I don’t want him to get out.”

None of this made sense to me at the time. I was all about getting the hell out of the bathroom before being fogged. When she ran toward the skunk and scooped it up, I nearly lost my mind.

“Oh Pepe’, you’re a bad boy! I was worried about you!”

I felt like I had stepped into the Twilight Zone, and apparently my facial expressions spoke that in volumes. The only thing I was worried about was this idiot girl pointing the tail end of that skunk in my general direction. I couldn’t believe he hadn’t sprayed us both.

“Oh I’m sorry, did he scare you?”

“What the hell is going on?”

“Haha, he’s my pet skunk. He’s been de-scented.”

“Do you often let your pet skunk maraud around public bathrooms, terrorizing people?”

“I’m so sorry. I had him in my purse when I came in earlier, he must have gotten out when I sat it down.”

The fact that this chick was within an arms length of me and carried a skunk in her purse became the immediate concern. I was unarmed and trapped in a small space with both of them.

“You might want to give him some antibiotics. He was licking the wall in a public restroom.”

“Oh he does that. He likes the salt in the water.”

This conversation was getting weirder by the millisecond. Nurse-mode kicked in and I wanted to tell her exactly where the salt in the condensation came from in a bathroom, but I figured someone who had a skunk for a friend wouldn’t mind.

“Unh hunh. Well y’all have a good night.”

“Do you want to pet him?”

“Uh, no. But thanks.”

I exited the bathroom and ran as fast as I could to the truck.

“What took you so long? Are you OK?”

“Yeah. There was a girl in the bathroom who wanted me to pet her skunk.”

“I feel like it’s better if I don’t know any more about this. Let’s just go to bed, OK?”

“You know, for once, I think you’re right. Goodnight, babe.”