George & Wendy Show

Wendy Parker

All the things are meth

| January 11, 2017

Apparently, there may be a bunch of drug testing kits being used by law enforcement on traffic stops, that say your grandma’s hat is an illegal substance.

This may be a slight exaggeration or flat-out filthy lie.

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Neither of my grandmas were still wearing hats by the time I came along in the late 60s, but I distinctly remember watching the old ladies come out of church on Easter Sunday for the egg hunt, and thinking Marlin Perkins couldn’t find a better display of feathers and fluff. Their hats were magnificent, but I never saw anyone smoking or snorting one, and none of the sisters wearing them seemed overly energetic, so I have grave doubts about the validity of these drug kits.

I do go on, don’t I. Someone should check my hat for meth.

I wouldn’t take the opportunity to go on if yet another innocent person hadn’t been jailed for three days because he had a sock full of gel kitty litter in his car to reduce the fog on his windows, and it popped for meth in a field drug kit.

C’mon, y’all.

I have all the respect in the world for law enforcement, my very first job was as a filing clerk for the Houston County Sheriff’s Department in Warner Robins, Georgia. I learned more about the world than any teenage girl should know on that job. It prepared me for life pretty well and I’m still thankful to the Sheriff for letting me have it.

That being said, I know he’d have flipped his ever-loving lid if his deputies had made a press release without confirmation from the lab. I honestly think he’d have yelled someone to death over it. That’s basic stuff, and mistakes like that add to a poor public image law enforcement doesn’t need at all.

Both of these stories are kind of terrifying to me, as they probably are to anyone who has a truck full of everyday living items that could potentially send you to jail. The baking soda thing made me take all the baby powder out of my “emergency chafing” kit. You can go on and laugh, but I’m not pleasant when I’m chafing.

We don’t carry gel kitty litter, but I’ll think twice before buying PopRocks in bulk at the candy outlet, for sure. Does this mean I have to quit carrying gummi bears? Because that’s where I draw the line. I’d flip my ever-loving lid if we lost our truck over gummi bears.

I have the good fortune of being able to joke about it, but it ain’t no joke to the people it happens to. Good luck to Gale Griffin and Wendell Harvey. The best revenge is massive success, and we wish you that for sure.

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