Wendy Parker

The best advice I ever got about trucking

Wendy Parker runs down some answers to the question, including this nugget: “Listen to the old-timers in all their trucking BS -- there is always a grain of truth, and you learn something.”

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Driving Miss Bubble Witch in the autonomous sedan

"My mom and dad taught me a long time ago that if you make things too easy for someone, you're not doing them any favors. Driving is a responsibility, and if you're not down with accepting the responsibility, don't do it."

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Super-sizitis

"I'm starting the 'Regular Size Movement.' I'm going to order Happy Meals without having a child present and refuse to upsize for 99 cents."

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‘Train horn: first person brings me $25 can have it, come on.’

"Sitting in the parking lot of some truck stops is like having a live version of “Home Shopping Network.” People sell all kinds of things on what I refer to as 'CB-bay.'"

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Creepy crawlies and questionable questions

"Here's an important tip to remember: if someone walks up to you in a truck stop with a cup and asks you to describe what's in it, just run. Don't even bother looking, because it's either going to be gross or scary."

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Edgar, beware

In which Wendy meets Edgar Hansen of the "Deadliest Catch" series: "Sometimes, meeting people you love to watch on television is hard."

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Roadkill diaries: Armadillo zombies

"I stop bothering with variety in roadkill during the stretch between San Antonio and Laredo. Everything is shriveled up and blows away about an hour after it's hit. The only thing that remains intact enough to recognize is – you guessed it – armadillos."

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Just say no to stupid

Wendy reacts to images posted to Facebook from a driver rolling with his feet on the dash, eating watermelon, no hands, etc...: "When he starts posting pictures to social media of himself doing phenomenally stupid and dangerous things, he involves every single driver on the road."

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The six-headed maintenance monster

Wendy works at purging the truck-maintenance demons: "One of the mechanics stuck his head in the bunk, probably to see what kind of injured animal George had in there: 'Uh, Miss Wendy, can I do anything for you?'"

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Don’t lick me, bro

Apocryphal -- maybe -- tale of face-licking as a form of gratitude yields an obsession: "I think I might have a mild complex regarding stranger licking now."

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