Wendy Parker

Billboards and brain tumors

“Honey, hand me a pen and a piece of paper, I need to take that number down immediately. The attorney with a giant head is going to save me from a DUI!”

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Mastodon in an OK Turnpike pothole

"There are potholes in Oklahoma with potholes inside of them, and inside of the inside potholes are tiny villages, where they grow maize and build sun temples."

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High-value loads

"The first 200 miles of the trip are always the worst -- I'm sure every car is following us. After about 200 miles, I forget what's in the box and fixate on something else. Hey look, a squirrel!"

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Provisions for hungry panhandlers

"Throw my sandwiches away all you want, but you're missing out on a yummy treat, and you will not squash my sparkle today. So there."

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While treasure-hunting at the beach, a special find

We went to Pepper Beach, and I think it's probably one of the nicest public beaches I've ever been to.

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The ‘new-and-improved’ laptop blues

"I want the exact same computer I had before, with the exact same hardware, only new and not bashed up from 30K miles in an 18 wheeler. Try explaining this simple concept to one of The Borg who man the counters at Best Buy."

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More just positively terrible ideas

"Probably not the best idea in the world to have something that makes random "pop pop" sounds in a warehouse crammed full of Black Cats and Everclear."

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For want of quiet sleep

"I'm not the only weird thing on the road. Keep your tinfoil hats close and beware the aliens in flatbeds."

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Why confiscation is unlikely

Overdrive's Wendy Parker: "Here is a very basic, bare bones answer to the question of what process is required to make a change in the Bill of Rights: It's not easy to do."

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Momma Bears put out cab fires, slap tornadoes…

"A tornado was coming and my own Mother heaved a queen-size mattress into a 4-by-6 bathroom with one arm while simultaneously dragging and throwing me under it with the other. She broke the door off the hinges."

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