George & Wendy Show

Wendy Parker

Defending truckers’ honor

| August 06, 2012

I defended the honor of truckers in general the other day, so you people better be on your P‘s and Q‘s. I noticed a Facebook post that started, ‘I love truckers….’ so of course I read it. Unfortunately is was a sarcastic and poorly stated slur against all professional drivers, based on the actions of one idiot. And from what the guy posted about the incident, it sounds like it was caused by the four-wheeler. An inexperienced, young driver at 4 four in the morning, on the highway. (What the hell was your sixteen year old daughter doing out on 285 at four in the morning by herself?)

Anyway, I should have known better, but I was feeling especially righteous and indignant, so I made a couple of posts to the effect that judging all truckers based on the actions of one wasn’t fair. It was like saying all football coaches abuse children. I told him that I doubted very seriously any driver out there would try to mow his kid over for shits and giggles. I explained to him how insurance for an independent driver was more than he could fathom, and the last thing anyone out there wants is a dead kid. I was polite and didn’t use the eff word once. He didn’t go for it, and he’s still pissed at all of you, so I’ll find out what he drives and let you know. Muahahaha. Totally kidding. Not really.

My husband calls me the ‘Mother Jones of Truckers’. I told him I didn’t think Mother Jones would be very happy to know I write things about testicles on women and Sasquatch. She would more than likely sue us and prohibit him from ever saying Mother Jones and Wendy in the same sentence again, ever. I do try to stand up for truckers when I can, I really believe the profession deserves more respect. I always remind people that the world would literally stop if drivers quit hauling freight, they wouldn’t eat or be able to wear those bad ass kicks. Most people are cool about it, they’re like, ‘You know, I really never thought about it like that.’ Every once in a while I run across the jerk who says, ‘I don’t care what they do, it doesn’t give them the right to drive like assholes.’

Here’s something for the people who don’t drive trucks. I learned it the first time I was out and we got hung up in road construction on I-75 in Tennessee. (Side note: It’s been a summer of hell on the highways in Tennessee and Arkansas. Two and three hour delays.) When there’s a lane closure, and traffic is merging down to one, big trucks will often block the merging lane way before it actually ends. They do this to keep you assholes in cars from going to the very end of the merge and causing a bottleneck because no one will let your dumb ass in. If they know it’s a particularly bad place, they’ll get on the CB and co-ordinate a forced lane closure to provide the traffic that actually merged when they were supposed to, a free flowing lane. If you’re that persistent dick who insists on using the emergency lane to bypass the block, screw you. You’re endangering the life of every single person you pass and I hope you get herpes. There is nothing at the other end of your trip that is more important than you. If you insist on being completely stupid and killing yourself, please have the decency to do so without taking my family out.

For the most part, I feel like professional drivers are safe and conscientious. I’ve been out six weeks in total and have only seen two blatantly shitty highway drivers. They ARE out there, and the rest of us think they’re dicks. So quit judging, people.