George & Wendy Show

Wendy Parker

Going North to go West

| August 04, 2012

“How bout’ it? Any drivers going West out there who can help a girl out with a ride?”

This is now a running joke with us. We were sitting at the Pilot in Tyler, Texas when the plea came across the CB.

“Any drivers going West? I need a ride. I don’t want any money from you, I’m a clean girl, just need a ride West.”

I immediately felt conspicuous, as heads were swiveling to see which truck the request was coming from, and I happened to be one of the few women in a cab at the time. I got as far away from the CB as possible without leaving my seat.

“How bout’ it, now? Any drivers going West. I need to get to Nebraska. I don’t want any money, I’m a clean girl, just need a ride West.”

A grizzled voice keys in.

“Uh, honey, I hate to tell you this, but if you’re going to Nebraska you need to go North. Mind if I ask what’s in Nebraska?”

“Hey there driver! I can go West and cut up, I just need to get to Nebraska. Have a diabetic friend up there who needs help. I’m a good girl, I just need a ride. You know how those diabetics are, they get a scratch on their foot, they lose a leg.”

I had to suppress the urge to tell the girl her friend needed to seek a medical professional, diabetics get scratches all the time without losing limbs. I told my husband this, and he rolled his eyes.

“Don’t bother, she’s lying. She doesn’t even know which direction she needs to go to get to Nebraska.”

“You really think she’s lying?”

“Hell yes. I hear this kind of crap all the time. She’s gonna get in some poor guy’s truck and either rob the hell out of him or hang around until he has to give her money to get rid of her.”

Just then another voice keys in.

“She’s a good girl, fellas. Been with me for two days, she just needs a ride.”

My husband gives me the “I told you” look.

“There’s the poor sap she talked into letting her get into his truck two days ago. He’ll end up giving her money for a ‘bus ticket’ to get rid of her so he can go home to his wife.”

“You sound like you know an awful lot about this. You been giving rides?”

“Hell no. The only female sits in that seat is you.”

“You going West, driver?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“Good. I got a friend with leprosy in Wichita needs some help.”