I crocheted a scarf and I’m vaping. Someone save me from the trendiness. I felt bad enough about myself after I discovered I actually liked Starbucks coffee and would willingly pay five bucks for a fancy java beverage made especially for me. Now I’m swathing my neck in unnecessary layers of cotton and bellowing apple-flavored steam from my nostrils.
Clearly, I need a time out.
Since I’m usually about two years behind the trends, I just picked up on this “vaping” thing. I tried the e-cigarettes last time we were out and I really like them, but I never found a truly good one and was always a little disconcerted by the weird way they made my lips feel. I’ve since quit smoking cigarettes, and while I don’t crave the nicotine anymore, the habit still haunts me.
I’m a busy body (I know this is shocking information — no one can imagine I’m not completely docile) and I need to have something to do with my hands. I’ve learned to crochet and have a new passion called “Inappropriate Cross Stitch” (these aren’t your grandma’s samplers), but I still find time to reach for a pack of Marlboro Menthol Lights during those long days in the truck.
Vaping is an alternative to smoking that works really well for me. It’s probably not for everyone, but I will say I got George (who is a dyed-in-the-wool, super-committed Camel Filter fan) to try it — and he actually likes it. The liquids come in different nicotine concentrations, and are also available nicotine-free, which is what I use. I’d say George has cut his actual cigarette consumption by a third, using the mid-range nicotine concentrate.
I’m ecstatic about this — I hate the smell of cigarette smoke and always have. Anything to cut the amount of it in the cab is a huge plus for me.
While I’m very happy about the health benefits here, I still can’t help but feel like a pretentious asshole with my scarf, gourmet coffee and giant, blinking vaporizer. I like to pretend it’s a classy cigarette holder, like the one my hero, Hunter S. Thompson, was photographed with time and again, but his was sleek and black and mine is fat and pink, so yeah, there’s really no comparison. I’m counting on you guys to help save me from myself, so if I start talking about making an appointment for my chest tattoo, stop me. Please. Meanwhile, vape on with the rest of the Borg.
"Until a formal regulation is established with clear guidelines and borders ...