By Carolyn Magner
Columnist
[email protected]
Confidential to Peter: Marriage is an expensive way to get your laundry done for free!
Dear Carolyn,
I’ve just survived a messy, exhausting, sad breakup with a woman I dated for more than 10 years. I thought we were going to get married, have kids and grow old together. For many reasons too complicated to go into here, we broke up. She’s now happily involved with someone else, and I’m slowly mending my broken heart. The problem is I’ve met a very attractive, friendly, good-natured single woman who seems interested in me. However, I’m just not sure it’s fair to her to get involved with me. I’m still a mess. I think that eventually I’ll be less of a mess. But for now I just can’t drag her into my pit of despair. Is there a good way to ask her to circle back around in a year or so?
Jake
Dear Jake,
I’m not that good at math, but if you’ve already wasted 10 years on Ms. Wrong, then I don’t think you should throw another perfectly good year on top of the heap. If you aren’t finished mourning your loss, then hurry it on up. There’s nothing to be gained by wallowing in the past. Accept it, note the mistakes, note how you could have done things better and move on. While it’s somewhat endearing that you want to spare Ms. Next-in-Line your post-traumatic relationship breakup angst (PTRBA), I think you should go for it with guns blazing. Tell her your story, but keep it simple – stick to the facts and leave out the gory details. Oh, and good luck to you. Let us know how it turns out.
I’m just say’n.
Dear Carolyn,
I want to meet a nice girl, I really do. But every time I tell someone I’m a trucker, I get the kiss-off faster than a tractor going downhill with no brakes. Why do people have such negative images of truckers? And why won’t a gal give me a chance? I’ve enclosed a photo of myself in case you are wondering if there’s something wrong with me.
Buster
Dear Buster,
Well, I did look at your photo. You look just fine. There’s nothing wrong with your looks, and there’s certainly nothing wrong with your profession. Sure, there are bad-apple truckers out there messing up the image for all the rest of us. But there are plenty of good gals out there looking for good guys. Be a good guy. The rest will fall into place.
I’m just say’n.
Dear Carolyn,
My wife is bugging me to let her get her CDL. I’m not sexist – I think there are great female truckers out there, and I have a lot of respect for them. It’s just that my wife can’t even back her car out of the driveway without hitting the garbage bin. What should I do?
Tommy
Dear Tommy,
If your wife wants to learn to drive a truck, I’d definitely not stand in her way!
I’m just say’n.
Dear Carolyn,
My wife thinks I’ve got a drinking problem and has given me an ultimatum. If I don’t quit drinking and get in a program, she’s taking the kids and leaving me. Not only that, she’s dragged in my friends and family, all on her side. They say I’m an alcoholic and that they are not going to “enable” me to hide behind the bottle anymore.
I get it that they are trying to help, but I don’t think I can give it up. I don’t think I have the guts to walk away from the booze.
What should I do?
Bob
Dear Bob,
You are one lucky fella. You have a wife, family and friends who care enough to try to force you to face your addiction. They’ve obviously put some thought into this action. Think about how much guts THAT takes. How much love and compassion it requires. So this is what you do:
You dig deep and do whatever it takes to shake off the chains of addiction. For some, it’s a 12-step program, for others it’s a combination of therapy and medication. Others go cold turkey. Some find relief in religion. It doesn’t really matter how you do it, but it matters that you do it.
I’m just say’n.
Carolyn Magner is not a professional therapist, shrink or even a very nice person. Her advice is meant to entertain you, not solve your terrible, desperate problems. Nothing shocks her. If you are really in trouble, please call someone who has gone to school for a long time. E-mail Carolyn at [email protected].
