I'm Just Say'n: Sensitive about online meeting

| June 07, 2008

Carolyn Magner
Columnist
cmagner@rrpub.com

Dear Carolyn,

I’m engaged to a wonderful man. He is good looking, smart and kind. We not only love each other, but we also enjoy being together. I’m excited about planning the wedding and can’t wait until we are married.

There’s one problem. We met online in a single truckers dating site. I posted my profile on a whim, and he contacted me within an hour of posting. His was the funniest and most genuine profile on the site, and we hit it off right away. But now when people ask me how we met, I feel funny saying we met online. He thinks I’m being too sensitive about it, but I can’t help how I feel. Should I come up with a better “cute meet” story? It’s just too weird to tell it straight.

Donna

Dear Donna,

I think it would be weird to make up a fake “cute meet” story. Seriously honey, I know what you are saying, but it’s so yesterday to worry about the perception of online dating. For better or worse, your story is your story. And people don’t really want to know the “how” you met as much as they want to know how they can meet someone as great as your guy.

I’m just say’n.


Dear Carolyn,

I wrote to you last year when things were pretty terrible in my life. My girlfriend broke up with me, my truck got repossessed and my dad died of cancer. You told me to buck up and get back out there. Since I really couldn’t afford any real help, I decided to listen to you. I set up a payment plan with the bank, got a job with a decent trucking company, apologized to my ex and got a haircut. Some mornings it was hard to get out of bed, but slowly, just like you said, things got better. Eventually I met a nice gal, got my credit squared away and am now a trainer for my company. I’m going to ask her to marry me on July 4, and hopefully she’ll say yes. I don’t know if you remember me, but I wanted to tell you to tell your readers that no matter how bad things are, they can always turn around.

Thanks for the free advice. I got more than I paid for.

Martin

Dear Martin,

Oh my goodness. I do remember you and to be quite frank, I didn’t think you had it in you to turn your life around. You sounded like that guy who blames the world for his bad luck. Apparently, I was wrong. Yay for you! Yay for me!

I’m just say’n.


Dear Carolyn,

I am so upset about my husband’s lack of concern about his health. He has high blood pressure, is more than 50 pounds overweight and has terrible back pain. I have tried everything to get him to eat healthier food and start a fitness program. Nothing works. He won’t listen to me or his doctor. I’m not only afraid he’s going to lose his CDL but that he’s going to die and leave me and our kids alone in the world. I love him, but I don’t think he loves us enough to change his life.

Is there anything I can do?

Desperate in Dallas

Dear Desperate,

I can only imagine how your forehead must hurt from bashing it against the wall. I feel your pain, I do. I make a living trying to get people to listen up and change already. But they don’t. I mean, sometimes they do, but it’s not because I nag them. It’s because, well, I don’t really know what exactly it is that flips the switch. Sometimes it’s the heartfelt plea of a loved one. Other times it’s a glimpse in the mirror, a candid photograph, an insult or a challenge from buddies.

The day may come when you can’t stand to watch him throw away his health anymore, but until then keep trying. Keep telling him how much you and the kids want him to want this. Pack healthy snacks, cook healthy food when he’s home. Invite him to walk with you.

I know you are already doing these things. But that’s all you can do. The rest is up to him.

I’m just say’n.


Carolyn Magner is not a professional therapist, shrink or even a very nice person. Her advice is meant to entertain you, not solve your terrible, desperate problems. Nothing shocks her. If you are really in trouble, please call someone who has gone to school for a long time. E-mail Carolyn at cmagner@rrpub.com.

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