Modest proposal: Ban all motorized transport already!
Buddy Wenners’ December 2011 modest proposal for the Department of Transportation to dispense with all the rigmarole and “ban truck driving” — penned in response to news of the handheld cell ban and otherwise the blizzard of new regs coming down the pike — yesterday got some kudos from commenter Zach Bell.
It’d be exciting, wrote Bell, to see “which make of horse and wagon takes the Ford F150 pickup truck’s spot as the no. 1 selling vehicle if this ban were to ever pass.” That’s right, banning truck driving means “going back to fully EPA-certified, CARB-compliant, almost absolutely clean, sustainable, reliable horses and wagons to get your goods from A to B. There would likely be no more road rage and no more passenger cars, either (since the cars would run out of gas or would just fail completely in the case of electric models). Would the FMCSA or NHTSA regulate distracted horseback riding then?”
He urged regulators and administration officials to go further and ban all motorized transport.
“Mrs. Ferro, Mr. and Mrs. Obama, feel free to contact me about a day in my ol’ rolling office, so the ban on automobile transportation gets passed even faster,” he wrote. “I would especially like it to happen on a day with a 30-50-mph wind, so y’all can see how these trucks handle under extreme conditions and how the distracted policemen and car drivers react.”