Channel 19

Todd Dills

My new ride!

| April 01, 2014

Hummer at the emissions station edit

My first bit of duty, late yesterday, was to take the unfortunately-colored unit down to the emissions-testing spot in North Nashville (Dickerson Rd. out past the Walmart) to beat the deadline for updating registration. Yes, limos have to be tested too, here, I’ve learned.

I popped out and took this picture for your edification — a bit of evidence that, hey, your favorite (I hope) trucking magazine editor is broadening his driving horizons. 

Not that I’m now the owner-operator of the pink stretch or anything, don’t worry — I certainly don’t make the kind of money that would have enabled me to plunk down enough to afford this unit. And if I was making that kind of money, why would I have taken on another job? (Bills to pay, folks, bills that have piled up with age and responsibility and kids and… you know the drill.)

Related

FMCSA calling off so-called ‘red-shirt mandate’

FMCSA is conducting an internal review of all enforcement activities after the Truck-Regulation Public-Comment-Believability Index (TRPCBI) measure associated with the red-shirt NPRM flew into "way ...

Nothing’s changing about my employ here at Overdrive, fyi. You can still expect the jokes, the regulatory discussions, the custom trucks and off-hand and/or well-considered notions that I typically write about day to day — just, well, you may have to help me proofread a little more. Doubtless I’ll miss a little sleep during the long Nashville nights part and parcel of whatever group needs a pink Hummer stretch to get around in.

My question for you, today, one that’s been nagging me from the moment I saw the color of this thing: Have I made a huge mistake?  Tell me, and be sure to include the hashtag #truckingaprilfoolsday with any commentary. 

Happy April 1, drivers!

Great Lakes to relocate further South
In other news, the geography experts at Rand McNally reported that the “super annoying” polar vortex, in the words of one official, which brought on the harshest winter since the discovery of Seasonal Affective Disorder, was cited as the rationale for departure of the Great Lakes to a warmer climate. All five of the lakes have moved to an area stretching from southern Louisiana to the Lake of the Ozarks. The new Great Lakes settlement occupies what was previously land between the longitudinal meridians 95° W and 81° W.

The five siblings stress that the move was not a rash decision. They carefully considered the route over the course of several weeks, and would have left at the end of February. However, they “had to wait for a permit from the Freshwater Fish Federation,” Rand McNally reported. “They finally departed on Sunday, March 23, heading southwest along the Illinois River. They stopped to rehydrate in St. Louis, and continued south along the Mississippi River to their final destinations.” The remainder of the Rand McNally report follows:

“It was rather treacherous,” Lake Erie, the baby of the bunch, said. “I wasn’t entirely sure we’d make it. Fortunately, I brought snacks.” Lake Erie has taken with him the famed Niagara Falls and leaves Canadian/U.S. hydroelectricity options up in the air.

For Lake Michigan, the delay was unwarranted. “I was totes looking forward to Mardi Gras and St. Paddy’s Day down here in Louisiana,” she lamented. Lake Michigan leaves behind some 12 million residents of Wisconsin, Illinois, Indiana and Michigan without a waterfront. Bemused boaters puzzled over a mud-scrawled note reading, “Glacier wuz here.”

Lake Huron said, “I feel like I was just stuck in the middle on this one. I don’t know that I would have moved at all, frankly, but we’ve just got to make the best of it. The important thing is that HOMES* stays together. We gotta represent.”

Lake Superior could not be bothered and had no comment. 

In an official statement, Lake Ontario, agent/publicist for the Great Lakes, said he will dearly miss his moose friends, as well as sunsets over Toronto. In an unofficial statement, the Georgian Bay said he woke up the morning of Monday, March 24, to find his neighbors had gone, adding, “I’d think it’d be better to tell a guy instead a leavin’ in the middle a the night, eh?” The Georgian Bay also remarked that it will be nice to walk around in his underwear and not have to pull the shades.

The Finger Lakes of New York have planned a visit later this summer. Beyond this housewarming party, the Great Lakes’ future plans are uncertain. “We haven’t decided if this is a permanent move, or if we’ll just be snowbirds from now on,” they say. “We’ll have to see how it goes down here. For now, we’re just gonna soak it all in.” 

*For crossword puzzle nerds, HOMES is an acronym for the Great Lakes: Huron, Ontario, Michigan, Erie and Superior.

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