Dear Carolyn,
I have been driving over the road for many years and have tried out many ideas for dealing with lot lizards (both male and female). Here are some of my observations.
Doesn’t work
·Saying no. They don’t believe you.
·The old way of wetting a paper towel and throwing it down beside the door as if you have already done the deed. There’s too much litter around these days to notice a paper towel.
·Yelling, using profanity, slamming the door in their face. They just wait a few minutes and come right back. The more you yell, the more they think it’s foreplay.
Does work
·Take their photo with your cell phone and tell them you’ll give the pictures to the cops. Word will spread around, and you’ll be left alone.
·Install a video camera on the truck and ask them to make their sales pitch into the camera.
Jed
Dear Jed,
I’m sorry I edited out the part about greeting the lot lizard with a machete in hand. That probably works but could get you in more trouble than you are looking for. Plus, readers might think you are serious when I know you were just kidding. Right?
Thanks for setting us straight on the old paper towel trick. That one always seemed too good to be true.
I’m just say’n.
Dear Carolyn
Here’s my no-fail lot lizard repellent. Buy the biggest bra you can find and hang it outside the window. That says, “I got my own good loving going on here.” My wife bought it for me, and it’s always worked like a charm.
I breast my case!
Brian
Dear Brian,
Simple ideas always work best. A bra a day keeps the lizards away.
Nice.
I’m just say’n.
Dear Carolyn,
Why are you making such a big deal about this? I’m a single guy, and it gets lonely on the road. What’s wrong with a little lot-lizarding now and then?
Frank
Dear Frank,
Can you spell STDs? AIDS? You risk robbery, arrest, penicillin shots and swine flu. (I threw in the flu part just to try to scare you straight.)
Ask a nice girl to go see a movie with you if you are lonely. Look up your old girlfriend on Facebook. Let your mom fix you up with the daughter of her new minister. Whatever it takes, do it. Just don’t do that.
I’m just say’n.
Dear Carolyn,
I still can’t believe my husband got solicited by a lizard, and I was standing right next to him! When he told her I was his wife, she said, “Sorry, I charge extra for that!”
We had to laugh because there wasn’t anything else to do.
Nancy
Dear Nancy,
My coffee spewed out my nostrils when I read that one! Thanks for the laugh! Seriously, in this business, a sense of humor can keep you sane.
I’m just say’n.
