satire

Confessions of a two-timing writer

Wendy asks for forgiveness for fiction: "I'll make it up by continuing to report the real-life road weird, and promise to never intertwine the two -- unless, of course, I'm telling one of my filthy lies."

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Scoot McGutbagger and the 62 mph truck

A talk with that famous driver also referred to as “that guy in a governed truck who won't stay out of the passing lanes,” though he prefers the title “Super-Duper Trucker” to anything else.

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When the bees stopped helping the potatoes

"Don't send a potato to represent the interests of the grapes. Also, if you're going to wine, put it in the right cask. One more thing: don't poop in your own vineyard and expect to have a lot of visitors, especially from worker bees."

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Future’s so bright, I gotta wear lead underwear

"I'm not sure where all these people who are envisioning a rash of child molesters grabbing kids in the bathroom ... are coming from – or what bathrooms they're sending their kids unattended into ..."

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A brief timeline of 83,000 years

"Let's take a chance on disrupting the space-time continuum, and just cruise through what's happened in the past 83,000 years, while we were sitting in traffic last year."

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When the blind lead the blind

"Ladies and gentlemen, we have our new administrator! ... The potato chip has more experience than anyone else in the agency, because it's actually been on a truck before."

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The Dipwad 500

Wendy on the most popular race going: "Ladies and gentlemen, you heard it here. Truck stop racing is based on the premise that no one else around matters much, and safety is for the birds."

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Doughnut wars 2020

Wendy offers a vision for the future of trucking: "A 'one doughnut a week' mandate, in which all CDL holders will be issued 'good boy' credits they can trade for snacks that aren't offered on the gubmint-approved driver menus."

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Doing the ELD dance

"There are rumors of a last-minute amendment in the rule that says if you can prove you have six toes on your right foot, you don't have to run a log book at all." .. More on the ELD mandate and its exceptions.

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Ode to the highway bill

Rhyming couplets for the road: "Here I sit, all pieced and sideways / Came to fix the broken highways / Ended up a pork-filled deed / To satisfy the gubmint greed ..."

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