George & Wendy Show

While treasure-hunting at the beach, a special find

We went to Pepper Beach, and I think it's probably one of the nicest public beaches I've ever been to.

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The ‘new-and-improved’ laptop blues

"I want the exact same computer I had before, with the exact same hardware, only new and not bashed up from 30K miles in an 18 wheeler. Try explaining this simple concept to one of The Borg who man the counters at Best Buy."

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More just positively terrible ideas

"Probably not the best idea in the world to have something that makes random "pop pop" sounds in a warehouse crammed full of Black Cats and Everclear."

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For want of quiet sleep

"I'm not the only weird thing on the road. Keep your tinfoil hats close and beware the aliens in flatbeds."

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Momma Bears put out cab fires, slap tornadoes…

"A tornado was coming and my own Mother heaved a queen-size mattress into a 4-by-6 bathroom with one arm while simultaneously dragging and throwing me under it with the other. She broke the door off the hinges."

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15-foot cleavage holds more than one bad idea

"The trifecta. First: giant, billboard-sized boobies are a definite distraction, I don't care who you are... Second, get a CDL in three days? On what planet is this legal or sane?"

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Only poke the snake if you know it’s not poisonous

"Life is easier when you can read people. Any situational outcome is pretty much decided in the first five seconds of the transaction."

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Improving truckers’ public image — or not

"While I don't think it's necessary to wear a tie to garner respect, I do feel it's necessary to properly cover your genitals when in public. Please. For the love of God."

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Speeding four-wheeler in the breakdown lane!

"The more truckers I meet, the more I realize the good ones really are patient people" and other notes on merging.

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Tuna salad tames the savage beast

"I keep my eyes peeled for a pet while we're on the road. Some of the best dogs I've ever had were strays, and it would be appropriate to find the truck dog on the road...." If only it were so simple.

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