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George & Wendy Show

Wendy Parker

Truck interior design 101

| September 25, 2013

The Parkers’ new truck doesn’t look like this.

So we’re getting our own truck. It’s an older truck, not exactly the Wanderlodge I had in my imagination when I thought about our first truck. We’ve kind of had our own truck before, but it was leased, and never really ours to do with what we pleased. George was an owner-operator in the sense that he “owned” the payments and “operated” wherever they sent him. This one is ours. The payments we make on it actually go toward the truck, and we’re not going to owe a happy little balloon payment at the end. It’s ours and we can go where we want with it and paint it any color and re-do the interior like a tiki shack if we want. I’ve already contacted DeathTrap Kustoms to order a Sasquatch hood ornament.

It’s a proud and terrifying feeling to buy a truck outright. We have the benefit of a lot of excellent guidance and a good company to run for, so the money part shouldn’t be too hateful. This truck is also set up for flatbed, so we’ll be doing an entirely different thing. I have a distinct feeling I’m about to learn how to throw straps. No big — I can throw a softball, pretty sure I can throw a strap.

I’ve already gutted and re-designed the interior in my head. She has a name and I love her. I will pet her, and polish her and clean her, until I’m tired of polishing chrome. Fortunately, this isn’t a very flashy truck, so there’s not much chrome to polish, but George has other ideas.

It’s a proud and terrifying feeling to buy a truck outright. –Wendy on the Parkers’ first. Tell us about your own first purchase in the comments.

“I’m going to put chrome on the chrome, baby.”

“That sounds counterproductive. And expensive.”

“I’m going to chrome out the whole dash, and get a big skull shift knob.”

“I was thinking more along the lines of nice, puffy leather. And Pergo.”

“I want the mudflaps with the girls on them. I’m going all the way.”

“Evidently. And alone.”

We’ve spent hours having these design conversations. We’ve converted this truck into everything from a library to a strip club in our imaginations.

“I’m going to put plexiglass on the floor, with lights underneath it, that flash and match the CB lights. We’ll put a pole in the middle and you can dance for me.”

“We won’t get invited to Touch-A-Truck anymore.”

“Nah. We’ll tell the kids it’s an exercise pole. It’s good exercise, isn’t it?”

“You’re asking me this as if I have personal knowledge of the top side of a stripper pole.”

“I didn’t realize it was a touchy subject.”

“Yes, it’s good exercise.”

As fun as these conversations are, I’m sure the joy will wear off eventually and the dreams of having to sell my hair to the wig people to buy a radiator will come back. Don’t laugh, it’s a horrible recurring nightmare I have of being stuck in Memphis and having to sell my hair for a radiator. And this dream doesn’t have a happy ending like the special Christmas story where the wife sells her hair for a pocket watch chain and the husband sells his pocket watch for a hair comb, it ends with me being bald-headed and sad.

So yay for our own truck!

  • godfearingrebel

    Your ‘conversations’ are freakin awsome. I read your stories to my wife as soon as they come in and we usualy wind up laughing ourselves sick. Out of curiosity what kind of truck did yall get?

  • Certifiably Nutty

    Good luck with the new truck. I want the Sasquatch hood ornament…post pictures!

  • Kurt Keilhofer

    Which part will match your boots?

  • Wendy Parker

    Oh gasp. That’s an awesome idea.

  • Wendy Parker

    Aw. Thanks. I’m glad I make you sick, I think. :) I’ll do a picture-thingie on the truck real soon. It’s a surprise!

  • Dr Duke

    Congratulations, I hope. I think George has some great ideas. Chrome on the chrome sounds like a great idea. So do we get to know any particulars or are you afraid you will loose all the readers who drive other brands of trucks? Or is it the fear of crazed stalkers trying to grab a lock of your hair? It must be pretty valuable, have you priced radiators recently? I just want to get a mental picture of what it getting the chrome.

    Have you got an Iowa 80 catalog yet? I guess with the internet there is not much need for a paper catalog but I still like it. It is like a Christmas wishbook that last all year.

    Oh, make sure you have good rain gear there Assistant Strap Thrower First Class Parker. After loading and unloading in the rain, hail,sleet,snow and darkness a few times you may long for the days of paying Walmart to unload their own truck.

    All kidding aside I hope it works out great for y’all.

    PS the nightmare could be worse. You could be stuck in West Memphis. strives to maintain an open forum for reader opinions. Click here to read our comment policy.