George & Wendy Show

Wendy Parker

Attack of the kidney stone, part 1

| November 19, 2014

We’re home with a kidney stone.

I say we because I’m suffering right along with the man, who has a 8-mm kidney stone traveling its way through his innards. And while I’m sure I have no grasp on how much it hurts, I certainly have a grasp on the bottle of pain meds the doc gave him, and I’m feeding them to him round the clock.

When I finally talked him into going to the emergency room, after a day and night of him making noises like a wounded animal every time he moved, the CAT scan revealed a whopper of a stone. When the doctor came in to tell us what was wrong, George was already whacked on pain meds and couldn’t seem to grasp that the stone they pinpointed in the scan is larger than his 7mm socket wrench.

socket“It’s how big? You’re kidding, right?”

So he was sent home with a big ol’ prescription and told to wait and see what the thing does. It may break up by itself, and while that’s actually the best-case scenario, it will require him passing multiple kidney stones. This option is about as fun as a fabulous day in hell, but it’s better than having a shunt stuck in his back, because the stone is too close to the kidney right now to perform lithotripsy – where they sit him in a tub of water and shoot sound waves at the offending stones to pulverize them.

So poor George is down on sick time now. Being off the road right before Christmas is never a good thing, but I’m extremely thankful he was home when the stone started moving. He was able to get to the doctor and get the meds he needed. And while we’re both a little stressed and worried about how this is all going to come out (sorry – I couldn’t resist) he’s been able to keep his sense of humor about the whole thing.

“So, I think I have an announcement for the medical community.”

“Is this a Percocet-induced announcement, or a real announcement?”

“Oh, it’s real. It’s as real as the 8-mm kidney comet I have racing towards my nether-regions.”

“Nether-regions? Are you talking about your urethra?”

“Gross. Whatever nurse thing you call it. Anyway, I’d like to decree furthermore that all kidney stones over the size of 5-mm be classified as ‘adultney stones,’ because it takes a real man to pass them.”

“Is that right?”

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“Yes. That’s right.”

“Would you like a Percocet to go along with your decree?”

“Yes I would.”

Adultney stone it is.

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