Captain Crudlip the Ridiculous, director for the organization, explain further that “under our new guidelines and mandates, it will be virtually impossible for the driver to make decisions regarding the actual operation of the truck without proper clearance from the officials in Washington.”
When asked about the possibility of this being difficult to implement in “real world” time, he replied, “What’s that?”
Further restrictions now in place include a “one doughnut a week” mandate, in which all CDL holders will be issued “good boy” credits they can trade for snacks that aren’t offered on the gubmint approved driver menus.
Captain Crudlip elaborates, “With the obesity epidemic, we can’t have these folks out here eating just anything. We offer them a steady diet of Subway sandwiches and boiled eggs — what more could they possibly want?”
Unfortunately, driver training mandates have fallen by the wayside. Efforts by actual drivers, way back in 2015, to enhance and upgrade the education standards of potential drivers, have been eradicated.
Crudlip has this to say, “How are we going to fine people and make money to pay for my monthly vacation if they know what they’re doing?”
As can be expected, commercial drivers are none too pleased about the future of trucking. Harvey Highwayman, a Raging Turd Express driver, sums it up like this, “I wasn’t mad until they took away my doughnuts.”
