Change Gears
Carolyn Magner is not a professional therapist, shrink or even a very nice person. Her advice is meant to entertain you, not solve your terrible, desperate problems. E-mail Carolyn at [email protected].Don’t settle for little Miss Wrong
Dear Carolyn,
I’m not one to write to a smart-mouthed chick like you, but I am obviously desperate. So here goes. I’ve been living with this gal for about five years, and I have to finally admit that things are not working out. She’s lazy, mean and has a drinking problem. I want kids, she doesn’t. I like dogs, she likes cats. I’m close to my family and like to go to church every now and then. She’d rather watch reality shows than go anywhere.
What should I do?
Stan
Dear Stan,
Make a new plan, Stan. (I’ve always wanted to say that!) Everyone has their limits. You lost me at lazy and mean. Life is too short to come home to lazy and mean. The only thing you should offer her is a little help packing.
I’m just say’n.
Dear Carolyn,
I’m sorry, but you really missed the boat with your advice to the girl who was wondering if her husband was cheating. I can’t believe you buy into all those so-called “signs.” Just because a guy turns off his computer when his wife walks in doesn’t mean he has something to hide. If he goes outside to talk, maybe he just wants a little privacy. You are so sure you are right. Really? Because everyone is different. It is possible for men to be innocent every now and then. You seem like a bitter person. Maybe you ought to consider getting some help.
Jason
Dear Jason,
People who think they know it all are very annoying to those of us who actually do. It’s been my experience that if someone writes to me asking if I think their significant other is cheating, they usually are.
I’m just say’n.
Visit Carolyn’s I’m Just Say’n blog for daily love and relationship advice: www.truckersnews.com/ask-carolynDear Carolyn,
I work for a guy who is always rolling in late, leaves early and has a terrible work ethic. Not to mention that he’s not very good at what he actually does. Because I am a perfectionist, I cover up his mistakes and make excuses for him to his boss. Now I’m in the position of doing most of his work for little pay and no respect. How do I dig out of this hole? I’m fed up.
Jill
Dear Jill,
The technical term for your behavior is “enabling.” I saw that on a Lifetime show. So here’s what you do. You have to inform him in a calm, polite way that you are no longer covering for him. Tell him that you will not lie for him nor will you do his work. Explain that it’s not about money; it’s about your own self-respect. Then you have to stick to your guns. Save his emails and make copies of your work. Your last resort is to ask for a meeting with his boss where you outline the situation in a calm, professional way. Most likely, they’ve already noticed. Hopefully he’ll sink into the hole he dug himself. If not, it’s time to look for another job.
I’m just say’n.
Dear Carolyn,
I’m afraid this is going to be one of the most disgusting letters you’ve ever received. I hope not, but here goes. My boyfriend is a long-haul trucker who is a good guy. However, he has a phobia about going to the dentist. He’s terrified of going, and nothing I can say can drag him there. His teeth are in terrible condition, his gums are always bleeding and his breath reeks. I buy every kind of dental product out there, but I fear that his mouth is just rotten to the core. What do I do? I threaten to leave him, but I always come back. Please help. He reads your column and maybe he’ll listen to you.
Sally
Dear Sally,
Bleeding gums and bad breath can be a sign of other serious health conditions. If you can’t get him to a dentist, get him to his family doctor. Go with him to the appointment and talk to the doc about medication he can take to help him through his dental phobia. There are dentists that specialize in patients with serious phobias. This is important.
You must stick to your gums or give him the brush-off.
I’m just say’n.
