Wake me when it’s over

"Three things you can't talk about with people, because they lose their minds: politics, religion and super singles. I'm not sure why, but those things seem to incite the screaming four-year-old in all of us."

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Do not smell this sandwich

“Miss, could I get you to smell this for me and tell me if it's good. The date says today, but I never trust 'em. Can't smell too good, myself.” / “You should ask your doctor if you have questions!”

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‘Hey look! A squirrel!’: Notes on organization

"I'm completely normal, and the rest of the world is strange. Now that we've cleared that up..."

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