George & Wendy Show

Wendy Parker

The Petri dish of our lives

| January 30, 2015

George and I are blessed with good health. His recent kidney stone attack was really the only time I’ve ever seen him super-sick in the 21 years I’ve known him. I’ve had a couple of mind-blowing headaches in the past couple years, but neither one of us suffers from colds, flu or bacterial infection much. We’re hearty. (This may or may not be a code word for too crazy to admit when we’re sick, but I’ll never admit it.)

I attribute my bacteria barrier to working with sick people for 10 years, and then hopping in a truck and visiting germs across America on a daily basis. This is no joke — being on the road introduces you to all kinds of regional illnesses; keeping your immune system fine-tuned is not only more healthy for you, it’s more healthy for your family back home.

Roswell alienI also have an elevated median body temp, so I tend to burn the bad guys off before they take root. It’s my superpower. George is healthy because he’s possibly an alien and might have a metal plate in his head that gives him directional guidance. I’m kidding, he’s not an alien. But he is pretty healthy and can find his way out of any crazy, convoluted place you put him. It’s one of his many superpowers.

We may be healthier than some because neither of us are germaphobes. If you never give your body a chance to fight germs, it can’t when it needs to. This in no way intones that we lick the walls of the bathroom stalls, but neither of us carries Clorox wipes around, either. I watch people whip out their antibacterial wipes all the time, and while I appreciate their concern for cleanliness, more often than not they wipe the surfaces down and neglect to wash their hands before carrying on with whatever they’ve sanitized the area for. This kind of defeats the whole purpose, since your hands are the filthiest things on your body, and pretty much everything around you. The simple act of frequently washing your hands with soap and water is the most effective form of germ control you can employ. You heard it here, folks.

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We’re heading back out into the cold and flu season Monday. We’ll give the truck a good cleaning inside and out, and head for points west of Ohio, where the temperatures are more conducive to human beings – and germs. I’ll wash my hands and the alien will slough away illness with his gamma rays. I have a feeling we’ll be traveling through Roswell….

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