My husband’s company allows two days of home time every 12 days. By the 11th day, any reason in the world to get off the truck and go home seems perfectly valid.
“Babe, you’re going to need to call dispatch and have them route us home. I need medical attention.”
“What’s wrong? You OK?
“Well, I didn’t want to say anything, but I think I’m coming down with leprosy.”
“You made that up.”
“Leprosy? I most certainly did not make that up. It’s been around for thousands of years, lurking at truck stops, waiting to leap onto unsuspecting people. As a matter of fact, there’s a story in the bible about leprosy. Our friend Cheesus cured the lepers by washing their feet with his hair. Cheesus had magic hair.”
“Did he now?”
“Yes he did, and he was nice enough to rub it on lepers to help them out. I think that’s in Jeziciah, chapter one, verse eleventy-seven.”
“Now you really are making shit up.”
“I may be wrong about the verse, but I know he had magic hair. It cured lepers and made him strong.”
“I think you’re mixed up.”
“It doesn’t matter. I need to go home. I have leprosy and I think I’m getting a hammertoe.”
“What did Cheesus do for hammertoes?”
“Don’t make fun of Cheesus.”
“I’m not making fun of Cheesus, I just wanted to know what he did for hammertoes.”
“Well for your information, Cheesus didn’t get hammertoes because he always wore magic sandals. That’s clearly stated in the book of Podiatis.”
“Have you ever even seen a Bible?”
“Are you kidding me? I went to church every single Sunday of my childhood. Pfft. Of course I’ve seen a bible.”
“Was it written in English?”
“You know what? I’m just going to be quiet and pray for you while you call dispatch and let them know they either need to get me some magic Cheesus hair or send me home.”
“I’m not calling dispatch. We’re scheduled for home time on Tuesday.”
“Oh, OK. Clearly you’re not interested in the health and well being of your wife. I guess I’ll file for disability when my fingers rot off.”
“Sounds like a plan.”
The American Postal Workers Union, which represents U.S. Postal Service ...