George & Wendy Show

Wendy Parker

Killer truckers indeed

| August 21, 2013

So Investigation Discovery (ID) Channel has taken trucker hate one step further and started airing a show about a bunch of serial killers who just happen to be drivers. Mind you, they had the obligatory four-second blip during the show detailing violent crimes perpetrated against truckers. It was squeezed in between the tampon commercial and lascivious descriptions of torture and rape, so most of the general public probably mistook it for the main reason all truckers have escalated to serial killing, and not as a statement that not all truckers are serial killers.

bumper stickersJohn Q. and Annie P. public are zipping along in their bumper-sticker-festooned Prius, fearing for their God-given lives, because they’re surrounded not only with HUGE pieces of moving machinery, but HUGE pieces of moving machinery manned by serial killers.

“Oh no, John Q.!! We’re on the highway with a bunch of trucks! There are serial killers all around us!!”

“Don’t worry, Annie P., I’ll go as fast as I can to get in front of them and slam on my brakes like my feet weigh ten thousand pounds!! That NEVER makes anyone mad enough to go on a killing spree!!”

I think if John Q. and Annie P. had to deal with what truckers deal with on a regular, daily basis (i.e., idiots in bumper-sticker-festooned Priuses), they themselves may take a little walk on the dark side. I’m actually surprised there aren’t more spree killers on the highway. The FBI should send out a commendation to every professional driver on the road (who isn’t a serial killer) that says, “Congratulations and thank you for not being a serial killer!” Make it official. You drivers who don’t kill people rock!

I’m not sure I have the attention span to be a “serial” anything, but I’ve definitely considered dotting an eye or two out here. I could possibly be a “serial throat puncher,” but I really don’t have what it takes to go through all the mess involved with body disposal. I’d rather inflict damage and let them tend to the rest themselves while I ride away in the truck, laughing maniacally. I’m selfish with my time like that.

I was brushing my teeth in a Love’s bathroom in Tennessee recently. It was early in the morning, I was in no mood for social interaction, I just wanted to brush my teeth and leave. It happened to be Sunday, and I guess a busload of church ladies had stopped to make my life miserable. They were all milling around the bathroom, staring at me, keeping their distance, like I was a baboon brushing my teeth and not a human being. I had the distinct urge to smear toothpaste foam all over my face and run at them snarling, but I refrained, and finished up with the ol’ dental hygiene. I was capping the toothpaste and drying my face off, when I heard one of the ladies remark to another on the way out of the bathroom, “I thought they had special places for those people to wash up? She was spitting, right there in the sink!”

My first thought was, “I can take you, old lady. I can take you and three of your friends out before they get to me with cuffs.” Kidding! I totally didn’t think that. (I never imagine they’ll get to me with cuffs.) Of course, I didn’t act upon my instinct, but if I had actually had the gumption to be a serial killer, that incident probably would have set me off on a bloody spree.

(And just as a side note disclaimer: I was spitting toothpaste into the sink, not hocking loogies.)

So kudos to all the truckers out there who aren’t serial killers! Job well done, and no string of pesky bodies to worry with! This is complete sarcasm, but there’s going to be at least one idiot out there who takes it to heart! They probably drive a bumper-sticker-festooned Prius! Yay for the general public!

  • No Reform

    Brushing your teeth in the Loves restroom? That is fairly disgusting when ya think about it…I can see why these Domesticated, Refined, Civilized. Normal ladies were Agasp…and Gawked at you! “Look there is one now” in her natural habitat! Like you are a monkey in a Zoo?
    Itmust look weird to the normal people. Most folks DONT brush their teeth at Loves… IS a bit “odd” when ya think about it.

  • No Reform

    I have been in those DUMPS brushing my teeth and the guy next to me puts a little water in his nostrils and BLOWS HIS NOSE in his sink..I saw One guy with a Towel on his head washing his FEET one at a time in the sink. Trucks SHOULD be outfitted with a Sink and running water for this Hygene..and Shaving too.

  • No Reform

    Every motor home and travel trailer in America HAS a sink and running water to wash up with. However the ANIMAL trucker does not need such conveniences? What 10 gal water=80 lbs and a plastic sink? Too Much luxury for the savage Beast? No toilet, no refrigerator…nothing…standard issue for the Animal is NOTHING.

  • No Reform

    The Toilet SEATS in those DUMPS are equally Disgusting..ya need to spray with disinfectant and USE the Butt Gaskets..or make one from toilet paper unless you desire Scabies..or Crabs…or some infectious a Nurse..Wendy MUST be aware of the Hideous germs festering in those DIVES.

  • RealTruck’nElla

    I was in a truck stop that didn’t have a woman’s bathroom, 3 weeks ago. I had to use the men’s room while an attendant stood out side to keep out the men. Don’t they ever clean the men’s bathrooms? I thought the women’s rooms had been going ‘down hill’ in the last couple of years, however, the men’s rooms are really bad. Pee on the floor and sides of toilet.

    I would like to add a comment about the immigrants washing their feet in the sink. I really believe these immigrants should be made to practice American customs in American public facilities.

    When Henry Ford hired immigrant workers, at the turn of the century, he insisted that they abandon their religious practices, dress, and customs that conflicted with American customs and work practices. He paid them very well to do this, (equivalent to just under $2,000.00 per week in today’s standards), and it was made sure they were true to their commitment to Ford Motor checking on them at home and work regularly. This particular practice of high compensation has been named ‘efficiency wage’. When the unions came about, the ‘American’ working ethic and compensation for hard and productive work was reconstructed and absorbed as a responsibility of the the labor force of the unions to create quality American products and services.
    Today there are weakened unions, no Trucking company with enough knowledge and guts to implement an American standard of safety practices and reward it’s drivers to do so. There really is no compensation or truck freight rate available, today, to sustain an adequate income for the driver/owner operator and his family. It appears as though Truck Corporations are subsidized by foreign countries through the US government to grow their income and, at the same time, give the illusion that they are keeping freight rates low, providing jobs and practicing proper safety standards.

  • Davie P.

    Where did you find Wendy every man should be so lucky good work Wendy I don’t driver anymore but your impute id right on and so truthful great work you always make my day.

  • Zachary Bell

    Volvo now offers a SINK and RUNNING WATER on the VN 780… but no one is specifying it EXCEPT for a few very rich owner/ops who have the money to afford this brand-new 2014 model and haul household goods for moving companies.

  • No Reform

    Yep I Noticed that on Volvo. However company drivers are Sub Human and do not require such “Luxuries”..we are welcome to piss in a plastic jug and Shave and Brush teeth in a glorified gas station or a nasty rest area Latrine.

  • Zachary Bell

    No, the companies don’t SPEC such luxuries because those “luxuries” add cost to the truck AND those company drivers have no idea what RESPECT is. Therefore, the better, more experienced drivers are FORCED to live the same life as their lesser counterparts…

    And Drivers do NOT have to fall for peeing in a Gatorade bottle… they can demand better lifestyles. They can demand the penny-pinchers at the company they work for get FIRED and stop running shoddy equipment. They can demand things like rest rooms that actually work at their customers and the ability to spec a sink and Bose Ride seating in their trucks.

    But does the motor carrier listen? No, because the motor carrier is too busy pinching pennies.

  • Zachary Bell

    As for the guy who had the towel on his head, there is a place to wash his feet… it’s called a SHOWER. I think he just didn’t have the 5 or 10 bucks in his pocket and didn’t have points on his shower card so he did what he could afford to do, since like I said in my previous post (see above), his employer doesn’t respect him and provide him a truck with a sink and running water.

  • Zachary Bell

    I have had to, and the men’s room is totally not the place to do it. If I have to use a truck stop rest room to brush my teeth, I will take a shower instead.

  • martymarsh

    Now that is telling it like it truly is.

  • Mike Tayon

    ….and I thought I was the only one on the edge! (LOL) ;) strives to maintain an open forum for reader opinions. Click here to read our comment policy.