Lifestyles of the Odd and Shameless

| April 28, 2009

Dear Carolyn,
I’m writing in response to your request to send in odd sights seen from the cab. Like most long-time truckers, there’s not much that shocks me anymore. I’ve seen everything from completely naked drivers to people reading books rigged to the steering wheel. It’s nothing to see someone mix an alcoholic drink, read the newspaper or text while driving. I’ve seen more than one woman paint her toenails while passing me going 80 miles per hour. If you didn’t laugh, you’d have to cry.
What do you think the deal is? Do they think they are invisible?
I know I’m just preaching to the choir here, but I’m wondering what you think.
Jake

Dear Jake,
There are two reasons people do crazy, scary things while they drive: They don’t know you can see them, or they know and don’t care.
Those in the first category are the most common. They drive in the same oblivious world they live in. Pass them as soon as possible. The ones in category No. 2 are the ones who want you to see them doing their crazy, naked things. Pass them when you feel like it!
I’m just say’n.

Dear Carolyn,
I assume the majority of us drivers do a smattering of different things while passing the time driving. But I was stunned one afternoon to see a gray-haired geriatric steering with her forearms while her hands were working a pair of knitting needles! My mother is a “knit wit,” too, so I know it is possible to knit and do something else at the same time. Still, it was a hoot watching this elderly woman making a sweater while effortlessly guiding 80,000 pounds down the interstate!
Mark
Dear Mark,
What? An old truck-driving lady was knitting and driving? That makes even ME drop stitch! Thanks for sharing and, hey, be careful out there.
I’m just say’n.

Dear Carolyn,
I’m dating a great gal, but there’s one small problem. She doesn’t like dogs, and I have two awesome Labrador retrievers named Ben and Jerry. Five years ago I found them shivering in a cardboard box in the back of a truckstop, and I took them in without thinking about it too much. They’ve been my most loyal companions ever since. It gets pretty crowded in the cab with two large dogs, but they make me happy and keep me calm. We run together every day, and my health has improved dramatically since they came into my life. I don’t understand why she doesn’t like them. They adore her, though frankly they adore everyone. They require my time and attention, but I deeply, truly love those two dogs. It’s come down to her telling me I have to choose between her and my pets.
I’m torn because she’s the best-looking girlfriend I’ve ever had. What should I do?
Brad

Dear Brad,
You lost me at “she doesn’t like dogs.” There is something seriously deranged about this woman, and you must dump her, block her cell phone number, delete her e-mail and never see her again. Then you must immediately count your blessings that you wrote this letter to me.
I can’t predict what other – more qualified – advice columnists might tell you. Perhaps they would suggest working out a compromise or something equally repugnant. I, on the other hand, have saved you from making a terrible mistake and ruining your life.
I’m just say’n.

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