George & Wendy Show

Wendy Parker

No-nos — pantless in L.A.

| February 08, 2013

We’ve officially established a list of things I’m not allowed to do in the truck. It grows longer every day. I’m not wild about the list, but it keeps the peace, and peace is of the utmost importance when you have to sit trapped in a tiny box, three feet away from someone for indefinite periods of time.

Months ago I was banned from saying “Takes guts to do that!” every single time a bug hit the windshield. Apparently, that’s only funny to other people once, even though I still giggle every time I say it. Some people have no sense of humor, or have developed one that’s a little more sophisticated than that of a six-year-old. Whatever. I can still think it, and I can still giggle. Because it’s funny.

I’m also never allowed to gasp or say “Uh-oh!” really loud. George has some kind of weird physiological trigger that makes his hair stand up when he hears me say it, and I can’t imagine why it’s so sensitive. I can understand the gasping ban, it really is disconcerting to hear someone have a sharp intake of breath. Gasping is how cavemen let each other know pterodactyls were getting ready to attack, everyone understands it means something really bad.

I’m also not allowed to sing along with any song by the Cranberries — my vocal range is such that the high parts come out a ragged scream and, again, George has a trigger that makes his hair stand up when I scream. He’s very sensitive.

There are a lot of things I can’t do, but the things I can do are pretty cool. We were hauling ass through Los Angeles last night (you either sit still or haul ass around LA, there’s no regular flow), and once we got on the other side I made my announcement.

“Well, I can mark that one off my bucket list.”

“What’s that? You’ve been through L.A. before.”

“Not without pants on.”

“What?”

“I rode all the way through LA without any pants on.”

“You’re not wearing pants?”

“Well I have underwear on, I’m not a total freak. And I’m hurt that you didn’t notice I was pantless.”

“Babe, I was kind of concentrating on the traffic. And you don’t think it’s a little weird that riding through L.A. without pants was on your bucket list?”

“Seriously, how many people can say that?”

“Judging from some of the weird shit I’ve seen, a lot.”

“You’re just jealous because you wore pants.”

“Yes. That’s totally the reason I think you’re weird. Because I wear pants all the time.”
“They must be constricting your brain a little. I’ll get you some bigger pants and you won’t think I’m weird anymore.”

“Really? Bigger pants? That’s all it’ll take?”

“I sense sarcasm, but I’ll blame it on your tight pants.”

“My pants aren’t tight. Your brain is loose.”

“What was that?”

“Rabbits eat lettuce.”

  • http://twitter.com/NSisifo N Sisifo

    I need a better bucket list. Next up, start using, “That takes guts.” *giggles*

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1269137418 Mike Jones

    They NEED to get a LIFE…while they are WASTING their LIVES away..counting bugs and giggling…NORMAL people are Struggling to get a HIGHER EDUCATION…ever hear of it??? Riding around in ur panties..is just a BIT juvenile??? I GUESS these two are BRAINDEAD?? Should they not be trying to BE SOMEONE??? Soundsl like escapees from an asylum….its 2013…..not 1850………every hear of the REAL WORLD?

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1269137418 Mike Jones

    Scary to know these two are operating heavy equipment!

  • Robert

    LOL…that’s what it takes sometime to be teamed up in a small office all the time. if you can’t laugh at LA and laugh at yourselves sometimes. You shouldn’t be driving. Sometimes the world gets so serious behind the wheel, you got to just sit back and look through the windshield and say ” What the hell”

  • I depend on truckers

    I love it!! Your humor always makes my day. And for the naysayers, don’t like it–don’t read it. Simple as that.

  • The George and Wendy Show

    I don’t usually reply to comments, but I’d like to make a statement for Mr. Jones. We both have educations, have struggled for years to pay for them. Our ‘life’ is very much like yours, only ours will be longer because we have learned to laugh and enjoy it. I strongly suggest you do the same.

  • godfearingrebel

    Thanks Mrs. Parker. You have got the right idea. Your articals are the first ones i look at. You have a wonderful talent for taking that what makes me want to scream and making it something to laugh about. Nice having you in our circles.

  • ChristinaBobinaBananaFanaFoBin

    I agree with godfearingrebel. How someone can find something to be hateful about regarding your article is perplexing. Keep doing what you do because it is funny and makes me laugh.

  • Sarah

    I find Wendy’s light-hearted, humorous take on her trucking adventures to be refreshing. If you’re in the trucking industry, Mike Jones, you know it’s riddled with regulations, expectations and negativity– it’s nice to know that someone can still find the fun and good in the profession. As for your comment that it’s “scary to know these two are operating heavy equipment;” if you follow George and Wendy, you know that George drives and Wendy rides along to support her husband. I feel that someone who is relaxed at the wheel is far less dangerous or reactive than one who is uptight and rigid… and perhaps has a little anger in his or her heart. Someone who uses “ur” instead of your in anything other than a text is one who should not be questioning one’s education. Also, “every” should be ever. If you don’t like Wendy’s wittiness, don’t read her articles. The fact that you chose to respond so hatefully says a lot about you. If you’re a driver, I bet you’re a real joy to ride with. Seriously, Mike, lighten up. Life is too short to be filled with judgement and anger.

  • Wendy Parker

    Thanks so much for all the positive comments. As silly as it is, I try to keep things as positive as possible. There are far too many bad things about trucking in the press and media in general. I learned on the floor of a nursing home, working 12 hour night shifts, that if you don’t learn to laugh and take things in stride, you will die young and unhappy. I’d like to think ol’ Mike was just having a bad day, and I hope his vent made him feel better. Like I said, I never respond, but the comment about our education kind of ragged me a little. We’ve both been paying student loans for years, and have both been to college. A college education doesn’t assure a good, moneymaking job any more, but you can bet those student loans never go away, no matter what you’re doing!

  • ELH/ED

    Wendy, keep up the great work, you and Salena, are my faves in the trucking blogosphere, there’s just to much negativity out there towards trucking, its always a pleasure to share in both yours journeys and adventures…

  • SueJ

    The hubby always says, ‘bet they don’t have the guts to do that again.’, been telling me that for years.

  • Dr Duke

    I love your blog,article what ever this is. I think it is great that you have worked it out that you get to spend so much time together with your husband. So many husbands and wifes seem to be little more than roommates nowadays. God bless you both.

  • Wife of a trucker

    All I can say to Mr Mike is : From the food you eat to the clothes you wear to the home you sleep in and the building and books you study in and with all came from a hard working truck driver that has to be smart enough to handle that big truck through all kinds of situations. It has nothing to do with education it has to do with common smarts that you apparently don’t have. So next time you judge a trucker think were all your stuff comes from…..Signed wife of a trucker….

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