Next month will mark a milestone in my personal history. I’ll finish up the very last physical class I need to finish my educational journey. From here on out, it is up to me if I become a Doctor of Philosophy or not, because until I complete the research and dissertation writing, and it is accepted and signed by the Dean, I will not graduate. To be honest, it has always been up to me.
Yet those physical classes gave me a deadline. Because of my long-ongoing battle with PTSD, I have always worked better under a deadline. Maybe that’s why I thrive as a trucker -- I always have an appointment time, a journey to complete.
Though the places we go might vary week to week, it's easy to slip into routine. Since climbing back into a truck in 2015, here’s what it’s looked like for me: Wake up, eat, drive, park, eat, study, sleep, next day do it all over again with a shower, delivery, and pickup usually every other day thrown in for good measure. It was the same my first 12 years in the business except for the study part. It became such a routine that before I knew it those 12 years OTR were gone in a blink of the eye.
The difference these last 8 years: purpose. I was young and dumb those first 12. I cared little about my fellow trucker, little about the bigger issues around the business. Those years were gone so fast I missed my children growing up, lost two wives and came close a couple of times to just giving up, as I’ve written about here. Let’s face it, when you drive truck for a living, it can become such a routine that it feels like you’re just taking up space and time with no real existence, no real substance.
But I woke up with something of a calling, as some might say. We are made for more than just work, paying bills, taking up space. We chase the almighty dollar, but true wealth is measured by the love in our lives.
My awakening began in 2005, when I stepped out of trucking. I wrestled with the traumatic events in my life, with the journey to becoming clean and sober. I realized how much I enjoyed writing, and helping others come to terms with their personal demons. I emerged on the other side with a spiritual understanding that what I had experienced and lived through was not for nothing.
