automatic sinks

Cautionary tale: Keep drawstrings tucked at all times

"I was hanging by my shorts on the second step of a Freightliner. The fact that my face was almost pressed up against the side of the truck kept me from having to witness the hundreds pointing and laughing at me."

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Abolish three-in-one sinks — now!

Wendy sends a message to Congress: "If we're going to start outlawing stuff because it's dangerous, I think we should start with the automatic sensors on every stinking sink between here and Timbuktu."

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