George & Wendy Show

Wendy Parker

The nuances of winning

| March 05, 2014

“OK, let’s discuss some terms here. First, when you bid money on something and are the highest bidder, you do not ‘win’ the item. ‘Winning’ intones a prize and you didn’t win a prize. You won the right to pay for something. Second, there’s this thing called ‘shipping’ and you really have to look at how much it is before you order anything. You got lucky this time.”

“Yaaaay!! I won! I won! Those boots are badass! Ha ha!! I won!”

“Are you hearing me?”

“Yes I hear you. I won’t do it again. I really didn’t think those boots would go for $29. Ha ha! That’s cool as hell – what’s the password again, so I can look at them and make sure they’re the ones I think they are.”

“Are you serious?”

“As a heart attack.”

“Don’t try to win anything.”

“I will remain the loser I have apparently become by winning.”

“Don’t be a smart ass, you got the boots.”

“Yay!! I won!!”

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