George & Wendy Show

Wendy Parker

It’s better to give… Or is it?

| December 22, 2013

It seems like some people have the wrong idea this season. I was raised to believe Christmastime was a season of tolerance and giving, but I guess things have changed since the 70s, and Christmas has become a time of taking things away, which is distinctly different from either giving or receiving.

fish_or_cut_baitThis is the first year in my whole life I’ve ever heard anyone complain about being wished a “Merry Christmas.” Apparently, there are people who are so full of themselves they can’t take a simple, passing wish from a stranger as kindness, in whatever form. No, they’re so damn entitled and important, they can’t just nod and move on, they have to make a little scene so everyone can know just how injured they are by a word and a thought. Jerks like this have taken away our ability to say “Merry Christmas” in passing to people we’re not absolutely certain are Christians who believe in Christ and don’t feel butt hurt when people actually (gasp) talk about him. How entirely ridiculous do you have to be to draw that kind of attention to yourself? I don’t worship Satan, but when someone wishes me a Happy Halloween I don’t feel the urge to profess the fact. I smile and take the wish as a good juju and move on with my life. I’m not Jewish, but if someone wished me a Happy Hanukkah, I’d have the damn decency to thank them for it, because they were nice enough to think kind thoughts of me.

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What the hell is wrong with people? I hope to goodness none of them ever try to tell me not to say Merry Christmas, I’ll flat out get ugly about it. I’m not playing the game anymore — if I think you’re being ridiculous, I’m going to tell you. Life is too short to be burdened by other people’s problems.

It’s also pretty evident you can’t have a reality show and an opinion that doesn’t please everyone. The internet is on fire with articles about Phil Robertson. I really wish people cared as much about issues that actually affect their lives as they do about how many times a day Uncle Si fills his tea glass, but that’s just not the case with a lot of people anymore. Reality television is the downfall of human civilization.

Here’s the problem; things actually got real for the network and they have absolutely no idea what the hell to do about it. We all know there’s not much about reality shows that’s real; it’s a bunch of orchestrated ad-lib, closely monitored and peppered with “suggestions” from directors. I can pretty much guarantee you the network needs Mr. Robertson a whole lot more than he needs them, so as silly as I think the whole thing is, I’m enjoying watching them squirm. I can only imagine the millions of hours of meetings dedicated to it in the network corporate offices. Fate worse than death.

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I don’t think I’m going to let anyone take anything from me this holiday season. I’m totally cool with giving, and I love receiving, but there will be no taking this year. I suppose I’ll need to display some sort of placard that announces the distinct possibility of being wished a Merry Christmas while being hugged when in my general vicinity. That should cover the lawsuits, right? If I’m arrested for wanton public good will toward mankind, you’ll bail me out, won’t you?

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