automatic sinks

The automatic circle of life

Wendy on the slow burn of the "autonomous" buzzword: "I'd much rather pay a little more for Richard the Bakery Clerk than suffer the horror of losing my French braid while self-slicing cheap French bread, wouldn't you? Welcome to automatic hell, y'all."

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I’ll have my sinks with handles, please

"I still stand by the distinct possibility of either being electrocuted by a water-logged hand dryer or having a full-on anger-induced stroke the next time an automatic air freshener sprays antiseptic lilac mist directly onto my corneas."

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Bumps and squiggles on the road to Automatic Hell

"Everyone pretty much knows I'm not a fan of the automatic world, I almost lost my life to an auto-flush toilet in Montana, so if anyone can relate to feelings of disdain for having the brakes applied on a commercial vehicle you're piloting, without your consent, it's me."

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Cautionary tale: Keep drawstrings tucked at all times

"I was hanging by my shorts on the second step of a Freightliner. The fact that my face was almost pressed up against the side of the truck kept me from having to witness the hundreds pointing and laughing at me."

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Abolish three-in-one sinks — now!

Wendy sends a message to Congress: "If we're going to start outlawing stuff because it's dangerous, I think we should start with the automatic sensors on every stinking sink between here and Timbuktu."

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