George & Wendy Show

Wendy Parker

What is the cash value of a monkey, sir?

I made a reference to something I had forgotten I hadn’t shared with y’all in the dementia piece. (Irony intended, we’re pretty sure. –ed.) I apologize for missing this one — the whole thing makes a lot more sense when you know the background.

I don’t remember where we were — we have been so many places like it, but I believe it was an independent truck stop or chrome shop. Wherever it was, it was a grand opening or celebration of some other kind and they had a table set up where you could register for prizes and such. Free hot dogs, y’all know the deal.

We were wandering around, listening to announcements from the PA in the parking lot, kind of getting half of what was said. I swear to you, the guy making the announcements said, “Come on over and register for a monkey! We’re giving away three monkey packages!”

We all know I’m not fond of monkeys.

“Make sure to not register for the monkeys. I don’t want a monkey.”

“Did he say monkey? Are you sure?”

“Yes. They have three monkeys. Gross. Can you imagine the mess three monkeys would make?”

“I don’t think you can just give monkeys away.”

“He said monkeys.”

“I’m gonna go find out.”

“Don’t get your hair jerked out by the monkeys.”

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I stayed inside, far away from potentially hair-pulling monkeys, and perused t-shirts. George appeared a few minutes later.

“They’re not giving away monkeys. It’s monthlies. They have a monthly service package, they’re giving three of them away.”

“Did you ask them if they were giving away monkeys? Because that would probably be the weirdest thing that guy had ever been asked in his life.”

“No. There was a sign. I read the sign before I told them I’d rather have the cash value of a monkey than an actual monkey if I won.”

He neglected to add, “Like some people I know would have,” but it was implied.

I’ll bet he still doesn’t know the cash value of a monkey. Harumph.

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