“NEVER UNDERESTIMATE A LIZZIE”
Well, in these days of diseases that Ajax won’t take off, it behooves me that the lot lizard or her client would be stupid enough to risk a death-sentence. And lot lizards reading your column, now come on! They couldn’t even spell computer if their life depended on it!
Now, for my tips on how to prevent the lizards from bothering you at night:
1) Park in front or as close as possible avoid the back of the lot.
2) Do not patronize these stops and inform the management that until they remove the trash from the parking lot you will not buy food, fuel or repairs there. If they want the business of decent drivers, the lizards will be sent packing.
3) My favorite lot lizard repellent is good, cheap and simple. You just wet a couple of paper towels, ball them up and throw them out the drivers window so they’ll lay there at the door. Sure it’s littering, but if the truck stop doesn’t mind killing drivers, what the hell is a little litter??
4) You can try hanging handcuffs, a bra and panties, or a whip in the windshield. A friend of mine, the Rev. Joe Hunter of Truck Stop Ministries, back when he was still out here, was known to put in a gospel cassette and sleep like a baby. But there are determined lizards. I remember back in 1974, the wife pulled into the old Twin Six Truck Stop in Atlanta, and as I was pulling on my clothes in the bunk. This lizzie came up and asked her if she wanted a “date.” Well, she looked down at a shocked lizard and informed her that she wasn’t her kind and that she couldn’t turn her body on. Never underestimate a lizzie though, because she quickly replied, “Well, for 25 dollars I can be your kind.” Isn’t that special? Oh well Abbyjo. Ya asked for it. Now I gotta go put more lights on my truck and polish some chrome, and maybe even haul some “PROFITABLE” freight. Take care.