Should I flaunt it?

Carolyn Magner
[email protected]

Dear Carolyn,
Twenty years ago I married a truck driver the day after I graduated from high school. I was young and, I admit, kinda stupid. I sat around the house all day long smoking cigarettes and watching TV. I never cleaned the house or made any meals but somehow managed to gain 100 pounds. He kicked me out on our fourth anniversary, and I can’t say that I blamed him.
Life was pretty terrible for a few years, but then I got my act together. The first positive step I took was getting my CDL.

Fast forward to now. I own 29 trucks, wear a size 6 and have a young, good-looking boyfriend who adores me. Life is very very good!

So, imagine my surprise when I found my ex-husband’s name in a stack of driver applications! He wants to know if I have a job available but doesn’t know it’s my company because I have a different last name.

I want to give him the job, but I’m not sure. What do you think?
Ginger in Georgia

Dear Ginger,
You wanna know if it’s OK to show off your beautiful, slim body, successful trucking company and hot young boyfriend to your down-and-out former husband? The one who kicked you out for being young, fat and stupid?

Um. Yes.

And you may even offer him the job. If he’s qualified and meets all your very high standards. And properly gasps in amazement when he realizes it’s you.

Nothing quite as sweet as the revenge of living well.

I’m just say’n.

Dear Carolyn,
I quit my trucking job about six months ago but have not yet told my wife or parents. Every day I get up and leave the house. They think I’m driving, but I’m really just hanging out at the coffee shop. I know I need to tell them, but every day the lies get deeper and deeper.

Can you help me?

Dear Fred,
Oh goodness. You do know how this is going to turn out, don’t you? One day it will all come tumbling down, and then you’ll have to face the music. This little part where you cruise along, pretending like that day is never going to come? This is the part you’ll look back on – fondly. So drink good coffee, read the sports page, chat with the other daytimers and enjoy.

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Later, when your life detonates, write to me again. I’ll be waiting.

I’m just say’n.

Dear Carolyn,
Internet dating is the only way I’ve been able to meet good guys. I don’t go to bars, don’t go to church and sure as heck don’t let my family set me up on blind dates!

Recently, I’ve been e-mailing a single guy who seems almost perfect! He’s dying to meet me and that’s OK; I’m dying to meet him, too. But there’s one tiny little problem. I have not told him I’m a truck driver. I sorta told him I was a school teacher. Which I am in a way. I mean, I’m a member of Trucker Buddy.

What should I do? Should I meet him first and then tell?
Worried in Wyoming

Dear Worried,
Oh, if everyone just told the truth, life would be so much easier and I’d be out of a job. Put this magazine down, boot up your Internet and write to him at once. Tell him you are a trucker and that “life” is your classroom. That you teach others the wisdom of the road. Come on, it’s e-mail. Lay it on thick. And then, maybe you’ll luck out and he’ll over look the fact that you deceived him about the very core of who you are.

I’m just say’n

Carolyn Magner is not a professional therapist, shrink or even a very nice person. Her advice is meant to entertain you, not solve your terrible, desperate problems. Nothing shocks her. If you are really in trouble, please call someone who has gone to school for a long time. E-mail her at [email protected].