By John Latta
Executive Editor
[email protected]

Do you ever have crazy dreams?

Like maybe you’re not driving in 2007 but, oh, say 1947, and you are, to say the least, not on the main road between two large cities.

You have no cell phone.

Boss, hello, yeah I’m at some corner in, well, I’m not sure what town it is, just checking in. Where? You want me to go where? I’ll try. I’ll call you in a town or two, and you can get me some more details. And would you call my wife and see how the baby is doing? I’m kinda worried.

You have no credit card.

Why, yes, this is a lot of cash I’m carrying. So you noticed that, eh? Well, I’m gone for a few days at a time, and I need to buy fuel and supplies. What? No, no I drive alone and sleep in the truck if I can’t find a hotel, why do you ask?

You have no truckstops along your route.

Listen Mac, there’s no room out in your parking lot for a semi, where can I put it because as far as I can tell this is the last place for miles. Where? That’s 10 blocks. You mean for a meal and a shower? I have to pay this and walk that far to and from my rig?

You have no air conditioning.

You know, I figure if I get any more sweat in my eyes I won’t be able to see the road, and if my hands sweat any more I won’t be able to keep her on the road even if I could see it.

You have a tiny space to relax, no sleeper.

When they invent CBs, I know my handle: Breaker, breaker, this is The Human Pretzel.

You have a very heavy, very slow gearshift.

When I get home I’m finally gonna get the tape measure out and find out just how much bigger my right arm is than my left.

You only have a handful of gears.

Oh boy oh boy, if only I had about 13 gears, these mountains would not be this much hell.
You have only a basic set of gauges.

Man, it sure smells like something’s cooking under the hood, but I have no idea what. So, stop or keep going?

You have only a basic map.

It looks like I should make a left here, but maybe I should take a right then next left, or maybe go straight and take that road, or I could swing over there and take that highway, but maybe they haven’t finished it yet. So I choose

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