Fabulous fifties

Carolyn Magner
[email protected]

Dear Carolyn,

I’m turning 50 this month, and I’m really depressed about it. I keep thinking about all the things I should have done by now. Sometimes I worry that life is passing me by. Please don’t tell me to count my blessings and all that. I know I’m lucky. I have a good wife, good kids, my truck is paid for and I get to see the country. But something is missing.


Dear Brad,

What are you missing? Your hair? Your eyesight? Your keys?

Seriously, I’m not going to tell you not to be sad about this big, bad birthday. In fact, I think you ought to get a dog. Dogs are the cure for all blues. OK, and if that doesn’t work, just go with it. Let it surround you, feel it, mourn the loss of your youth, and then let it go. I like to think of the fabulous fifties as the hot young years of old age.

I’m just say’n.

Dear Carolyn,

My dad is 74 years old and has been alone since my mother died a year ago. He just told me that he’s met someone. I have no idea what I’m supposed to say. I know he’s been lonely but getting a girlfriend at his age? What’s he thinking? He wants me to meet her, and I’m supposed to go over to his house for dinner. I don’t want to be a jerk, but I don’t get this at all.

Please help me figure out how to tell my dad he’s acting like a fool.


Dear Peter,

Good for your dad. And shame on you. Now you do what I say, sonny. Comb your hair, put on a nice shirt, buy a bouquet of flowers and show up with a smile on your face. Got that?

I’m just say’n.

Dear Carolyn,

My boyfriend is married and promises that one day, we’ll be together. He’s just waiting for the right time to leave his wife and kids. I believe him, and I know you are going to be all smart alecky about this and tell me I’m wasting my time. But he loves me. He really does.

Do you think I should set some sort of time limit? Give an ultimatum? I’m not getting any younger, although I am younger.


Dear Janice,

What? You think I’m going to try to tell you that he’s never going to leave his wife and even if he does, you’ll be getting a man who cheats on his wife? I’m not going to say that. That’s what all the other advice columnists say. Even though they are right, I like your idea. Give him an ultimatum. Tell him he’s got a week to tell his wife and get the party started.

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Same result, just a different way of getting there. And if I’m wrong – if he does leave her for you – then you call me up and tell me I was wrong.

I’m just say’n.

Dear Carolyn,

I loved the letter about the man who found true love after waiting all those years. It happened to me, too. I thought I’d never meet Mr. Right, and there he was, a good friend I’d known my whole life. Right under my nose! When he told me he’d loved me for a long time, I almost fainted. But we have been married now for nine years, and every single day I wake up and thank the Lord he found the courage to tell me.

Please tell your readers to never ever give up looking for love.


Dear Patty,

That’s so sweet. Want what you have – it’s the key to happiness.

I’m just say’n.

Dear Carolyn,

I think it’s a cop-out how you always just say, “get a dog.” Do you really think a dog cures all the terrible problems your readers have?

Curious in Kentucky

Dear Curious,

Getting a dog makes you have to think about something other than your own terrible problems. Dogs don’t want to get to the root of the evil or fix anything or change anything. What you learn from your dog is that sometimes you think about stuff too much instead of rolling in the grass on your back and barking at the clouds.

I’m just say’n.

Carolyn Magner is not a professional therapist, shrink or even a very nice person. Her advice is meant to entertain you, not solve your terrible, desperate problems. Nothing shocks her. If you are really in trouble, please call someone who has gone to school for a long time. E-mail Carolyn at [email protected].

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