I'm Just Say'n

Carolyn Magner
[email protected]

Dear Carolyn,

You always tell us there are other fish in the deep blue sea. Really? I mean, I’m parked in a truckstop in the middle of the desert. No fish. No sea. Why don’t you give advice we can actually use? I was dumped by my long-time boyfriend, and, yeah, I seem to have misplaced my funny bone.

Donna in Denver


Darlin’. Darlin’. You sound nice. But, honestly? I can’t really find the fish for you. Nor can I roll your truck toward the sea. You have to do that yourself. All I can do is remind you that maybe you are in the desert right now, but soon you’ll be somewhere else, and after that, somewhere else again. All I can do is offer that brief Bic Flick at the end of the long, dark road back from relationship hell – and reassure you that you are not alone. I mean, you probably are alone or you wouldn’t be so cranky about my advice, but you aren’t the only one going through it. The path is well traveled, in both directions. I promise it will get better.

I’m just say’n.

Dear Carolyn,

I am not the best-looking guy in the world, but people don’t run screaming from the room either. I’m honest, kind and make an OK living driving for a good company. The reason I’m writing is because I’m very interested in a gal that works out with me at the gym. She’s way out of my league in looks. Still, she seems interested. I’ve asked her to do a few things with me, and she always says yes. I just don’t know how to tell if she likes me. I don’t want to make a fool out of myself if she’s just being nice.

Please help.

Mark in Chicago

Dear Mark,

Based on this information, I think she’s interested. Most gals who just want to be polite will make up an excuse to not go out. Certainly, they wouldn’t go a second time if it was a terrible experience. So what you have here is a Person of Interest.

What you need to do is step it up a notch. Ask her out to dinner, a movie, a picnic or a bike ride (just not all on the same day). Be interested in her, ask her about her life, her childhood, her hobbies, her interests. Just being interested in her increases your chances a bunch. Good luck, and keep us posted!

I’m just say’n.

Dear Carolyn,

Your advice to Desperate in Dallas was right on! I’ve just re-read it, and though our situations are very different, I wanted to tell you my story.

I noticed all of your articles are from women. So here goes, I am a man. And when I read Dallas’s article, it brought tears to my eyes. Not that I was in a “secret” relationship, but the advice you gave her could not have been more perfect. See, I lost the love of my life to cancer two years, four months and 17 days ago [as of this email]. I was devastated and could not function. I was on the road at the time. I will never forget how I had to keep pulling over and just “letting it out.” One year after the death, I forewarned my employer I would not be in that day and spent the time at home, in bed. Yeah, I am a big burly trucker man, but when you lose someone close, it can be devastating to anyone. Year two was a little easier, and even though I still cry from time to time, I know that it’s going to be OK. I try to look at it like this: The pain I feel now is a pain I do not want to let go of totally. It lets me know that I am alive and that I can hopefully love again.

No matter what, Dallas, you will survive, and you will love again.


Dear Scott,

Thanks so much and please accept my condolences for your loss. It’s hard to be on the road and miss the good times, but even harder when there are hard times.

Your letter will offer hope to many readers.

I’m just say’n.

Carolyn Magner is not a professional therapist, shrink or even a very nice person. Her advice is meant to entertain you, not solve your terrible, desperate problems. Nothing shocks her. If you are really in trouble, please call someone who has gone to school for a long time. E-mail Carolyn at [email protected].