I'm Just Say'n

Carolyn Magner
[email protected]

Dear Carolyn,

I’ve had a very close friendship with a woman who works for the same trucking company I do. I am 15 years older than she is and am self-conscious about our age difference. I don’t want to be “That Guy” who hits on younger girls. But I really like her and would like to step things up. I think she would, too, but we both get tired of hearing all the jokes about how I’m robbing the cradle and am a dirty old man.

What do you think? She’s 25, I’m 40, and we are both single.


Dear Jess,

I think you are confusing “That Guy” with the one who hits on younger women while he’s already married. Which is not to be confused with actually “dating.” You want to date this young thang, and she wants to date you. Come back when you have a real problem. Like when she’s getting hit on by guys her own age and you feel insecure and anxious about it. I’ll be waiting.

I’m just say’n.

Dear Carolyn,

I’m working on some New Year’s Resolutions this year. Most of them are lame, like lose weight, work out, eat less sugar, call mom, read a book. But what I really want to do is meet a good woman I can come home to after a long week on the road. It’s not as easy as you might think. I’m always on the road, and when I’m home, I have a list of stuff to do that’s a mile long. And yet what’s the point of any of it if I don’t have someone to share it with?

Do you believe there’s someone for everyone?


Dear Tommy,

Yes, I do. I’m not saying she’s the perfect someone, because I don’t believe that person exists. But your letter tells me a lot about the kind of guy you are. You aren’t asking me to help you find the most beautiful woman in the world. Or someone who will cook and clean and pay the bills. You are asking for someone you can share your life with. I picked your letter from the pile because you genuinely seem to want a good relationship. So here’s what you do:

Keep all the other resolutions you’ve made. They are good ones to work on. And while you are living a healthier life, chatting with your mom, working hard at your job – keep your eyes open. Don’t eliminate anyone based on preconceived notions of beauty. Ask a lot of women to get coffee with you. Ask some to take a walk and others to go to a movie. Put yourself out there, cast a wide net, and I believe you’ll find a good woman.

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A lucky one, I might add!

I’m just say’n.

Dear Carolyn,

I did a really stupid thing. I drunk-texted an old boyfriend. It was a weak moment, and I’m really embarrassed about it now. He’s taken it as an interest indicator, and I don’t know how to get myself out of this. I like him but not in “that” way. How do I tell him this was an “uh-oh” without hurting his feelings?


Dear Ginny,

Ha! When will you crazy kids learn to just say no to drinking and texting? Just go back to your “friends only” tone of voice, and he’ll get the message. No need to beat him over the head with it. Plus, if you did feel romantically inclined under the influence, there could be some unresolved attraction. Put that in your “saved” file.

I’m just say’n.

Dear Carolyn,

How much stock do you put in “gut feelings?” I’m not too sure about this guy I’ve been dating for about two months. It seems like he’s interested, but I’m doing all the work. I make the plans, bring the pizza, rent the movie and spend the gas driving to his place. I don’t think this is working out.

Do you think I’m judging too fast?


Dear Katie,

I like to check out my gut feelings. I’ve been right, but I’ve been wrong, too. For instance, I could be wrong that your guy is just easygoing and laid-back enough to just go with the flow of relationships. Or I could be right that he’s self-centered, lazy, passive-aggressive and just not that into you.

The better question is: What do YOU think? And I think we know that answer.

I’m just say’n.

Carolyn Magner is not a professional therapist, shrink or even a very nice person. Her advice is meant to entertain you, not solve your terrible, desperate problems. Nothing shocks her. If you are really in trouble, please call someone who has gone to school for a long time. E-mail Carolyn at [email protected].

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