Consider the long haul

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Updated Aug 9, 2012

Dear Carolyn,

I’ve been with my boyfriend for two years and we are talking about marriage. I guess you can say that I do all the heavy lifting in the relationship. My boyfriend is on the road all the time so I do the books, pay the bills, keep up the house, cars, yard and work full-time. Sure, I’m tired, but I love him. It works for us and I’m happy. The problem is that my girlfriends and family think he’s a taker and resent how little he helps out. I’m starting to second-guess our relationship.



Dear Jill, 

The world is made up of givers and takers, and if you are OK with being the giver, that’s OK with me. In fact, I was absolutely fine with your situation until you mentioned your friends and family.

Oops. Sorry, Jill. If a reader tells me that their friends and family have concerns, then I have concerns.  Listen to what they say and picture your life five, 10, 20 years down the road. What feels like giving now can feel like heavy chains later. The answer may be as simple a frank conversation with your boyfriend about sharing the load. Or not. A second guess is reason enough to look into your options.

— Carolyn

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