I’m the map

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Anyone who remembers “Dora the Explorer” or has a kid who still watches the show just sang “I’m the map” in their heads forty-eleven times after reading the title. And they probably hated that fool map as much as I do because of it.

im-the-mapDora is an explorer with a monkey who can’t talk and a map who is incessant about telling everyone it’s a map, because it can. When Dora finds herself in need of direction, it’s my cue to leave the room, because the dang map has to say, “I’m the map,” four hundred times before giving the directions. I feel like the map may have issues. I’m also slightly concerned that a five year old kid is wandering around lost, with a mute monkey and an extremely narcissistic map. Dora’s little self will be exploring Child Protective Services if anyone finds out she’s unsupervised.

Of course, there’s a reason I rambled on about Dora the Explorer, other than to get the map thing off my chest. It’s been bothering me for a while. I feel better now, but it still didn’t keep me from singing, “I’m the map,” in my head when I discovered the map library.

Maps have always fascinated me, there’s a little bit of magic in being able to see exactly where you’re at on a piece of paper that’s not hooked up to a satellite

That’s right folks, I’ve gone around the corner where satellite imagery is no longer magic to me at all, but the fact that people could fairly well draw a coastline without ever seeing it from above is straight-up wizardry.

So when I ran across the article about the map library, I not only sang the stupid map song in my head, I immediately made a mental note to visit this place. This is bucket list stuff for weirdos like me. Anywhere there are a million maps and globes has to have some strong magic. Apparently, the magic is so strong, no one really knows how to get to the map library. It’s either magic or extreme irony.

“Excuse me, can you direct me to the map library?”

“I’m the map, I’m the map, I’m the map, I’m the map!”

“Uh, yeah … I get it. It’s why I asked you in the first place.”

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“I’m the map!”

“Shut up.”

“I’m the MAP!”

“You’re not helping me.”

[The map continues to sing and march around until someone lights a match and throws it on the map.]

Does anyone know the way to the map library? Hit me up, this map is malfunctioning.

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