Rediscovering discoveries just discovered — talking heads, leasing practices, puddles

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Not those talking heads.Not those talking heads.

Breaking news!

“We join the scene live, with Monica McDoodlesnap, as she uncovers shocking, never seen before, completely 100 percent brand-new discoveries in the trucking industry. Monica, can you describe the general atmosphere among the natives?”

Monica appears on camera, frantically grabbing at her right ear like it’s trying to flee the confines of her head, “James? Is that you? James, I’m having trouble with the feed, but if you can hear me, we’re live from the DankPeeStank Truck Stop in Tree City. James, it appears as if we’re the first news service, ever, to uncover a disgusting underbelly in the trucking industry. I’m going to issue a trigger warning for sensitive viewers, before we go further into this insanely new and surprising discovery. What you’re about to hear is so unusual and crazy unheard-of, it’s going to take you a minute to digest the truth. James, it seems there are companies within the trucking industry who participate in unfair leasing practices.”

Cut to the news room.

Audible gasp from the entire news desk. The weatherman goes into a dead swoon at the shock of it all. James the newsman regains his composure and feeds Monica her next segue: “Monica, that is shocking news, and we’re pleased that NewsUSA could be the very first to bring it to public light. Can you tell us a little more about the situation, and find at least one dead body in the parking for the cameraman to zoom in on? It is a truck stop, right? They’re littered with dead bodies, right?”

The live feed resumes with Monica narrowly avoiding a large puddle of suspicious-looking liquid while appearing extremely concerned, as she treks through the parking lot, breathlessly continuing her Mt. Everest of stories. “James, it appears the dead bodies have been cleared away, although we do have confirmation from a driver, who wishes to remain anonymous, that the evils in trucking aren’t limited to bad leases.”

Cut to blurry pre-recorded video of “Buddy Goode,” the anonymous source, complete with black rectangle over his face, to protect his identity.

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“I don’t know nuthin ’bout no bad leases, but I do know my company forced me to use an ELD and my grandma got eye cancer because of it.”

Back to the live feed, with Monica sadly shaking her head, commiserating with the sadness of Buddy Goode’s grandma’s eye cancer. “James, we’ll follow up on the ELD story, right after we cover more breaking news at the border of Missouri, where a strange anomaly called “Kansas” has been reported. We’ll be first on the scene. Film at eleven.”

Cut back to the newsroom, where everyone has adopted an appropriately concerned/interested expression, and the weatherman takes over.

“Monica McDoodlesnap, folks, live on the scene with breaking news. Thanks, Monica. Next up, 14 days of hell in the forecast! Stay tuned!”