That’ll be all, Henrietta

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It’s a doggone aggravating world. I’m telling you, there are days I yearn for the woods so bad, I find myself packing a ham and walking toward them by about 11 a.m. I have to lie to my family and tell them I was just kidding, but they know that when I have a ham packed, I’m serious about holing up somewhere.

I rant and rave sometimes, just to make myself laugh. Ain’t it sad?

Anyway, I’ve yet to have a rant without a laugh, and it’s usually because of George. He listens patiently while I scream about hoping people suffer from a horrific case of herptafluffalupugus in their nasal cavities, and stomp around grumbling about no one ever listening to me. Then he makes me laugh.

After a particularly difficult phone conversation, I did my stomp/grump thing, and George, God love his patient soul, provided me a solution to solving further difficult conversations with this person.

“Babe, next time you talk to her, just call her a different name every time you refer to her.”

He mimics picking up a phone.

George’s girl voice (which is mildly disturbing in itself) : “Hello, this is Melanie, how can I help you today?”

“You look lovely in red, Jalisa.”“You look lovely in red, Jalisa.”

“Melanie! It’s George Parker! I’m so glad I got you on the phone today, Sally. It’s been weeks since I had a great conversation with a lady named Alicia! Do you still have that gorgeous yellow truck, Belinda?”

George’s girl voice: “Um, Mr. Parker, this is the bank.”

“I know it’s the bank, Leslie! I was just there yesterday, remember, I saw you and Phyllis! You look stunning in red, by the way, Jalisa.”

George’s girl voice: “Mr. Parker, do you need help?”

“Not unless you’re a licensed professional, Lucinda! Ha ha! No really, you can connect me to my buddy Anthony, he works upstairs in the business management offices, he told me last week if I was in town next Monday to call my old buddy, Chris, and let him know!”

Of course, by now I’m rolling, because he’s really getting into it, and it’s so much more hilarious if you can hear his ridiculous girl voice.

GGV: “Mr. Parker, we don’t have an upstairs. And I don’t think there’s a Chris or Anthony working at this branch.”

“Oh my goodness, Susan, I’ve called the wrong branch! Mary, would you please forgive me for taking up so much of your time?”

So now, of course, it’s a thing, and it’s a funny thing, and I’m so thankful for a little bit of funny every now and then. Laughter truly is the best medicine.

(Side note: I struggled with whether or not I should write a memorial piece for today. I stuck with the funny one, because I think today needs a little chuckle, not to be disrespectful of those who are gone, but to laugh in the face of those who sought to destroy us. We will never forget, but we won’t lose ourselves in grief.)