The Vatican put a highway spin on the mandates delivered through Moses (a.k.a. Charleton Heston).
Motorists hitting the road for the Labor Day weekend would do well to heed this unusual proclamation, the “Drivers’ Ten Commandments,” issued this summer by the Vatican:
I. You shall not kill.
II. The road shall be for you a means of communion between people and not of mortal harm.
III. Courtesy, uprightness and prudence will help you deal with unforeseen events.
IV. Be charitable and help your neighbor in need, especially victims of accidents.
V. Cars shall not be for you an expression of power and domination, and an occasion of sin.
VI. Charitably convince the young and not so young not to drive when they are not in a fitting condition to do so.
VII. Support the families of accident victims.
VIII. Bring guilty motorists and their victims together, at the appropriate time, so that they can undergo the liberating experience of forgiveness.
IX. On the road, protect the more vulnerable party.
X. Feel responsible towards others.
WATERMELON SLIM’s FAT CHANCE
Former trucker Bill Homans, who wrote songs in the cab while hauling industrial waste, now performs as Watermelon Slim (www.watermelonslim.com). His new CD, The Wheel Man, is full of road music, including “Truck Driving Mama”: “I just want to know now, baby / What will your ’20’ be tonight?” Nominated this year for six Blues Music Awards, the most of any artist, Slim won zip. That’s the blues for you.
YOUR TRAINER IS CALLING
Out-of-shape truckers, don’t despair: Soon a personal trainer will be as close as your cell phone or laptop, says Tamilee Webb, star of the Buns of Steel exercise DVDs. “We’ll see more personalized fitness at your fingertips,” Webb told USA Today. “There’s no reason why you can’t stay fit at home or on the road.” Just exercise caution by telling your spouse first.
WE AREN’T MAGICIANS
“This kind of operation takes a lot of planning.”
– A Royal Mail spokesman tells Britain’s Metro newspaper about the July 21 delivery of the new Harry Potter novel; using 180 specially hired trucks, the agency delivered 600,000 copies to one in 43 British households
A HUNGRY HERO
“I just wanted to get a sandwich. I didn’t go there for my morning workout.”
– Trucker Eric Fullerton, 59, a former U.S. Army paratrooper, tells the Deseret Morning News he was standing in line for food when he disarmed a gunman attempting to take hostages at an Arby’s in Salt Lake City
NOT VERY NEIGHBORLY
“I don’t want to give a truck driver a black eye, but I would not want one parked next door.”
– Norvelle Brown, chairman of the Marshall, Mo., Planning and Zoning Commission, on a proposal to keep big rigs from parking in residential neighborhoods; quoted in The Marshall Democrat-News
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