Holiday cheer

By Carolyn Magner
[email protected]

Dear Carolyn,
I hate the holidays. It’s so depressing to be on the road during traditional family holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas. Mostly, I just sit around the cab and feel sorry for myself. This year, I want to do better. Can you help me?
Nick at Night

Dear Nick,
‘Tis the season where everyone thinks everyone else is having a great time. Here’s a few tips to help you jolly up a bit. String some lights in your cab, whip up some turkey sandwiches and stock up on old-fashioned movies like It’s a Wonderful Life and A Christmas Story. Drop a few bills in the Salvation Army bucket, send your granny a scarf and leave a good tip for the waitress. The more you give, the more you get. And make a new wish list – one that includes plans to play Santa for someone who is not on Santa’s regular route.
I’m just say’n.

Dear Carolyn,
Years ago I had a brief affair during a low time in my marriage. We both came to our senses and ended it. We agreed that we’d never tell anyone, and that was the end of that. Or so I thought. It turns out he confided the details to his best friend, who has told a few of his best friends. I am petrified the secret will come out. What should I do?

Dear Polly,
Benjamin Franklin said, “Three may keep a secret as long as two of them are dead.”
Ah, that’s the terrible thing about secrets. They tend to tumble out no matter how hard you try to keep them hidden away. There are two options. One, you tell before it gets told. Two, you play the odds and keep quiet. I’m leaning toward option two. No sense in unburdening yourself just to feel lighter. From now on, if you feel the need to trust someone, choose the dog. You have a dog, don’t you? If not, I seriously recommend you get one.
I’m just say’n.

Dear Carolyn,
There’s this gorgeous red-haired gal I work with that I’m dying to ask out. She’s smart, funny and a professional truck driver. She’s also single and available. But I’m too chicken to make the first move. Can you help me figure out how to ask her out without making a fool out of myself? I’m not the most handsome guy in the room, but I’m not the ugliest either. Plus, I’m known as a nice guy. Which, as everyone knows, always finish last.

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Dear Patrick,
That whole “nice guy coming in last” thing? Not true at all. Nice guys are rare enough, but nice guys who are not the ugliest ones in the room? You’ve definitely got an edge. Just calmly ask the girl to go out to dinner. She can say yes or she can say no. You won’t know unless you ask. Now will you? Do it and write back to me. I bet she says yes.
I’m just say’n.

Dear Carolyn,
My boyfriend is a long-haul trucker, so I understand he’s not exactly around all the time. That’s fine. But at first, when things were new and steamy, he always made time to see me. Now that things have settled into a routine, I get the feeling that I’m not at the top of his list. He doesn’t call when he gets to town, he hardly ever e-mails any more and his phone “never gets service.” What do you think is going on?

Dear Kate,
Maybe he’s busy, maybe his computer is down and there’s really no cell phone service anywhere he goes. And heck, maybe my hair is really blond, too. Sigh. What I think is going on is that his interest is idling. And we all know how that screws up the environment. Tell him to put the relationship in gear or turn off the truck.
I’m just say’n.

Carolyn Magner is not a professional therapist, shrink or even a very nice person. Her advice is meant to entertain you, not solve your terrible, desperate problems. Nothing shocks her. If you are really in trouble, please call someone who has gone to school for a long time. E-mail her at [email protected].