By Carolyn Magner
Columnist
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Dear Carolyn,
My girlfriend broke up with me two years ago. I should mention that she did it by text message. But I got over that and over the credit card bills she ran up, too. But here’s the rub. She’s started to e-mail, call and text me again. Said she wants to be friends and that I’m the only one she can really talk to. I’m confused. I want her in my life, but I don’t see how we can be “just friends.”
Is it possible to be friends with your ex?
Jack
Dear Jack,
It’s possible. There’s several ways it can work.
If you are not attracted to each other.
If you don’t have feelings for each other.
If you’re better friends than you were as a couple.
You should look at what she brings to the friendship table. Do you really want a friend who would break up with her boyfriend by text message? If not, wouldn’t it be fun to send her a text saying you just aren’t that into her?
I’m just say’n.
Dear Carolyn,
My best friend’s boyfriend got fired from his company. He told her it was because his dispatcher screwed up and the equipment was bad and the benefits sucked. It was all about how he wasn’t to blame.
Weirdly, she bought it hook, line and sinker. I can’t understand how she can be so dense. Should I clue her in? My boyfriend drives for the same company. He said the dude was always late, incompetent and arrogant. I’m dying to set the record straight, but I thought I’d check with you first. Maybe he’s learned his lesson and will straighten up his act now. It could happen, right?
Susie
Dear Susie,
Oh my dear girl, thank goodness you checked here first. Do not tell your friend what she already knows. And believe me, she knows. She may not want to know. She may wish she didn’t know, but she knows. And he’ll screw up again. There will be a next time. And a next time after that.
Eventually she’ll have to decide if she’s better off with him or without him. Something she’s going to have to figure out for herself.
Unless she writes to me.
And I’ll tell her.
I’m just say’n.
Dear Carolyn,
I’m tired of picking up after my husband. He’s a great guy in every other way except for the fact that he’s a big, fat slob. I shouldn’t complain because he’s kind and honest and treats me like a queen in every other way. But his slovenly habits are slowly driving me crazy. I don’t know how he can stand the clutter he leaves in his wake. The inside of his sleeper is the most disgusting mess you’ve ever seen.
What can I do? How can I make him change? What would you do?
Wanda
Dear Wanda,
You can’t. I mean, you can try. You can work really hard to show him you mean business. You could even leave him because of his messy ways. But you can’t change him. He’s the only one who can make that change.
I wish I could tell you otherwise. I wish I could give you a step-by-step plan to make him pick up his stuff, a checklist that would force him to shape up. Somewhere along the line, he decided that it wasn’t important to him. He also decided it wasn’t important to him that it was important to you.
He’s made his choice. You have to make yours.
What would I do? If he was “kind, honest and treated me like a queen,” I’d hire a maid to clean up the mess.
I’m just say’n.
Carolyn Magner is not a professional therapist, shrink or even a very nice person. Her advice is meant to entertain you, not solve your terrible, desperate problems. Nothing shocks her. If you are really in trouble, please call someone who has gone to school for a long time. E-mail Carolyn at [email protected].
