Life ‘on the cutting edge of sanity’

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We had our pow-wow with the Freightliner people Monday, and I’m happy to report I didn’t fall down or wet myself even a little bit. No one had obtrusive ear hair, and I think things actually went very well. I had to take my purse in, because we needed identification and if I separate my ID from my purse I lose it immediately. The magnetic clasp has never worked to actually close the purse, but it attached itself firmly to the security badge I needed to be in the building and caused a little episode where I thought I was going to have to wear my purse around my neck for the meeting, but I was able to extract myself before anyone important saw me.


We both felt slightly under dressed, as we were in our regular regalia of cargo shorts and polo shirts (mine has a Freightliner logo on it, because I‘m awesomely cool), but everyone was really nice and helpful and I didn’t feel the least bit judged. We talked about all kinds of things, the company seems genuinely interested in giving professional drivers the proper tools to be successful, which is the missing part of the equation out here. Having a CDL is only one tiny aspect of being a successful driver. You have to have resources and the ability to apply those resources to make any cheddar on the road. Otherwise, you spend all your time chasing your tail and watching your drive time tick away. I’m learning all kinds of stuff on the road, folks. I almost sound like I know what I’m talking about.


It’s a brave new world, there are applications for almost everything, including trucking. We were asked to download the Freightliner app and try it out so we can give feedback on how to improve it. I have a myriad of ideas, although most of them involve Sasquatch sightings and which truck stops offer anti-venin for Black Mamba snake bites. I’m pretty sure I saw a Black Mamba in Statesville, and who wouldn’t want to know where the latest Sasquatch sighting occurred? My husband is dwelling on boring things, like who besides truck stops offer overnight parking and dumb stuff like that. Pfffft.


“I’ve got an idea. We can tell him to offer a Lot Lizard Locator. It can be used to avoid or attract, whichever way the trucker wants to go.”


“That would probably require chipping the Lizards. Who’s going to do that?”


“That’ll be our new job. We’ll set up in truck stops and offer a free rabies vaccination with each locator chip implanted. We can also band them and collect pertinent information regarding their health status. We’ll weigh them, check their teeth, and note any open sores or lesions.  Catch and release program. This is the best idea I’ve ever had.”


“No. It’s a terrible idea. Please don’t mention it in any way, shape or form to any sane person you happen to talk to.”


“I don’t care for your tone, Mr. Smarty McSmart. It’s an awesome idea. I’m going to keep it to myself so no one steals it.”


“Thank God. We’ll never hear from those people again if you start with your weirdness.”


“Whatever. People thought the Wright Brothers were crazy. I’m on the cutting edge here.”


“You’re on the cutting edge of sanity.”


“I’m not discussing this with you anymore. You’re just jealous you didn’t think of it, asshat.”


“I heard that.”

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