Fluent talk-to-text and autocorrect

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talk to textSo as smart as our smartphones are, they still haven’t learned to recognize about half of what my family says when they’re using talk to text – which we all use a lot, because George is driving most of the time and the kids are really really good about never touching their phones when they drive. Text has become the way we correspond with most family, especially the kids, and I’ve received some incredibly hieroglyphic messages I’ve surprised myself by being able to decipher.

This recent one, from our son, took me a minute.

“I am a cat burglar, litter and stuff with tacos and Donna.”

This vaguely translated in my autocorrect/talk-to-text brain, to: “I am getting cat litter and tacos for dinner.”

And while I was still puzzled as to why my child might be eating cat litter on his tacos, I just went with it and hoped for the best.

George’s are hilarious, because he’ll ramble and the phone just starts making things up.

“Hey babe, Anna just hit the 675 split at 70 the parking should be at home soon, need to maps the console and swipe the cards anyway I love you and all that.”

I can’t even begin to know what any of this means, but I’m immediately concerned that Anna is in the truck, because I don’t know anyone named Anna I have ever given birth to, and someone I have given birth to or am closely related to would be the only other female ever allowed to ride in my shotgun seat without an extreme amount of consternation on my part. I’m silly like that.

Instead of doing the sane thing, and picking up the phone to actually make a call, I yelled back at the talk to text.

“Who’s Anna?!”

Which read on the screen as, “Who Santa?”

When the phone read this to George in the truck, he was puzzled enough to actually call.

“Hey, what’s going…”

“Who’s Anna?!”

“Who’s Santa? What are you talking about? That’s why I called … what about Santa?”

“Anna, dammit. You said Anna had just hit the split at 675.”

“I didn’t say that, my phone said that. You know that thing lies all the time. Why the hell would I subject myself to another female? C’mon, now.”

“You’re right. The phones are definitely filthy liars. Just get home, I miss you. Also, I think our son may be a cat burglar.”

Sometimes, technology makes life harder than it needs to be.

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