Unidentifiable meat and the rubber breakfast biscuit

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It’s nice to see some of the truck stops attempt to offer better food choices, and it’s probably going to sound downright bitchy when I say they could certainly do better. I mean, who wouldn’t want to pay $3.99 for a cup full of slimy, six-week-old cantaloupe? I personally enjoy the pineapple/strawberry combo that has berries hairier than Rob Zombie hidden deep beneath the pineapple rind, and floating in juice that will make you either hallucinate or evacuate your bowels in a rapid and ferocious manner if you dare to drink it. Apparently the companies who stock fruit to truck stops know it’s been a while since any of us has seen fresh fruit, and can get away with hairy berries and eel-like cantaloupe at astronomical prices. C’mon guys, you’re dedicating the cold space to it anyway, why not get some decent food in there?

I noticed a new and terrifying combo recently – it’s not a fruit cup – it’s a meat and cheese cup. Layers of lovely greenish pepperoni, carefully adorned with slices of cheese so orange, if you choose not to eat it, you can always use it as a safety cone. Also, if you’re out of fifth wheel grease, there’s plenty floating on top of the psychedelic orange cheese to smear around and get ya on through to the next stop.

I can’t eat from the cold case. I’ve never been able to. As much as I’d like to have a brief bout of cholera, I just can’t make myself eat pre-made sandwiches, fruit cups or meat and cheese cups. I keep little plastic baggies full of fruit in the fridge, and I eat a lot of cold sandwich meat, but I draw the line at orange cheese. I’m sure someone will be offended, but I prefer my cheese white, because there’s no reason cheese should be orange, unless you’re using orange milk to make it with.

This time out, I was able to find quite a bit of local grocery close to the truck stops. We walked quite a bit, but we also found places other than Walmart to shop and got a local selection of foods. We use Yelp a lot — it’s usually current information and has reviews. It’s worth it to get a cab once in a while, just to get away from the truck and pay decent prices for groceries, and explore.

As much as I try to have good, healthy eating choices on the truck, George is still fond of the bacon, egg and cheese “counter biscuits” – he never fails to grab one when he fuels in the morning.

Bacon egg and cheese biscuit“Aw, babe. I have some Belvita crackers for breakfast – c’mon, eat those.”

[As he busily unwraps the rubber biscuit.] “Nope. You eat that. I’ll eat this.”

“That’s so bad for you, do you even know what kind of meat that is?”

“Nope. I don’t look at it. I just eat it. It’s good.” [Smacks his lips and finishes up the little biscuit in two bites.]

“You have a piece of glowing egg in your beard.”

“Yum. Snacks for later. Ready?”

And I’m not ready, because I’ve been watching him inhale a death biscuit instead of eating my healthy Belvita crackers and orange slices. Sometimes, eating healthy on the road is hard.

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