Impossible dreams of obeying the law

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Updated Dec 6, 2015

I try really hard to not be a shotgun seat driver. If there’s anything I can be certain of when I get in the truck, it’s that George is a competent and safe professional driver. I’ve said many times I don’t think I could ride very far in a big truck with anyone else, and yes, it’s 100 percent a trust issue. There are still times when I just can’t help myself from giving tips from the passenger seat, even though they are generally unnecessary.

“Baby, why you riding the hammer lane?”

“Because if you’ll notice, the construction signs say for big trucks to be in the left hand lane.”

“No I did not notice that. So why do they want you four inches from a jersey wall, instead of in the granny lane?”

“”Because the edge of new pavement isn’t as thick until it’s finished. Heavy trucks need to stay in the middle of it.”

“Then why is this guy in a big truck passing you on the right?”

“Because he’s an asshole.”

Duly noted.

There have been a couple times I’ve seen something he didn’t, mostly because it’s nearly impossible to see a motorcycle coming around the right side on the breakdown lane, especially when you’re rolling at a nice clip, in a pack of traffic on the 285 loop in Atlanta, watching what all the other kooks are doing.

(Side note: What the hell is wrong with Atlanta? I was born there, I can talk about it, and I’m here to tell you, people lose their damn minds on 285. It’s like the Bermuda Triangle of Georgia, there’s some kind of weird force that makes people believe they are flaming projectiles from space who can’t be destroyed by any force of man. It’s insane.)

The chassis run he’s been on is fraught with construction zones. I’ve learned a lot about road construction the past six months. Mostly, the actual structure and layout of the road changes pretty much daily, so the lane you were on Wednesday night no longer exists Thursday night, and is clear on the other side of the highway for Friday night.

And just for poops and giggles, Ohio Department of Transportation has re-opened a weigh station, on the right hand side of the road, mind you, in a construction zone that has signage for all big trucks to be in the left hand lane.

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But wait, that’s not all. There’s a section before the weigh station where the left hand lane signs start about three miles before the left hand lane ends completely, so they direct the traffic to the left and then say, “Just kidding!” and the lane ends. It’s a feat of modern engineering cavemen would be in awe of. It also makes it almost impossible to obey the law according to signage. I can just imagine a driver in court, explaining why he blew the scale.

Traffic-confusion-sign“Well sir, I blew the scale because it was in the right hand lane, and all commercial construction traffic had been directed to the left hand lane, right before it ended, so I was busy trying to merge back into the right hand lane, but then the left hand lane opened up again and the signage was still directing me to the left, so I merged into the left hand lane and missed the right hand exit for the weigh station, because the sign for it is beyond the weaving merge-festival, and I couldn’t hit the right again before I missed the exit.”

And instead of saying, “That’s the most asinine thing I’ve ever heard, who posts these signs?” the judge will say, “You’re a dummy, that’ll be $500.”

The joys of trucking.

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