Ladies and gentleman, start your engines!!
We’re here for another great race day! The Dipwad 500 will be underway shortly! Let’s take a minute to speak to our contestants, Frankie Jo Bob Blowhard and Booger McKrusty!
“Frankie, what makes the Dipwad 500 your favorite race?”
“Yew talkin’ tah me?”
“Yes, Frankie. What makes the Dipwad your favorite race?”
“Well, I’m a figurin’ I can’t beat nobody on the open road with my governed truck, so the parkin’ lot of the truck stop kinda evens the field a little – short distance sprint and all.”
“What about the danger, Frankie? Can you tell us about that?”
“Uhhh, naw. It ain’t dangerous fer me, I’m the greatest trucker in the world.”
“But what about the other people in the truck stop, Frankie?”
“They ain’t got no bidness walkin’ round’. If I hit em’, it’s their own fault.”
“Excellent insight, Frankie! Here comes Booger. Let’s see what he has to say – Booger, what makes the Dipwad 500 your favorite race?”
“What’d yew call me?”
“Booger. Your name. Remember?”
“I don’t like yer tone, mister.”
“I’m a woman, Booger.”
“Oh. Yeah. Been a while since I seen one of them up close.”
“Booger, how do you plan on winning tonight?”
“Weeellll, I reckon I’ll catch 7th around the back side of the pumps, throw my Jake beside the parked trucks, and pop out into traffic goin’ at least 45.”
“Wow, Booger. That sounds like it might be dangerous.”
“What fer? Ain’t nobody else around matters much, ‘cept that Frankie fella. Ima beat him, I am.”
Ladies and gentlemen, you heard it here. Truck stop racing is based on the premise that no one else around matters much, and safety is for the birds. Welcome to the Dipwad 500!