Lay Down Sally

Time for husband to quit using long-time friend as marital mouthpiece

Dear Carolyn,

My husband is “good friends” with a woman he works with. They have been friends for years, way before I even met him. I never had a problem with it because there was never anything romantic between them. I honestly don’t believe that has changed. What has changed is how I feel about their friendship. He confides in her about our problems and asks her opinion about things I do. He’ll say, “Sally thinks you ought to clean the house more” or “Sally doesn’t really like it that you cook with so much butter.” I don’t want to sound like a nagging, insecure wife, but I’m at the end of my rope.

What should I do? Oh, by the way, she’s beautiful, skinny and single. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Katie

Dear Katie,

I was already hating on Sally and then you had to throw in that last line! OK, so you are not jealous of their relationship because she’s beautiful, skinny and single, but because he gives her the time and attention that he should be giving you? I get that. It sounds to me like Hubby is using what Sally says to communicate how he feels about your housekeeping and cooking. Quite cowardly of him. Here’s what you do. Tell him you expect your marriage to be between the two of you and that any complaints he has need to come from him, to you. Keep in mind that he married you, not Sally.

I’m just say’n.



Dear Carolyn,

I’ve been dating a gal I really like, and things are going pretty well. However, there’s one thing that really bugs me. She never offers to pay when we go out. I didn’t mind at first since I’m an old-fashioned kind of guy. But as the months have gone by, I would expect her to at least offer! She makes more money than I do, and I don’t have a lot of extra money. I’m trying to pay off my truck and put a little bit away in case we end up getting married. I would come out and directly ask her, but I don’t know if I should. Do you think this means she’s stingy? Should I worry about being married to a stingy gal?

Kevin

Dear Kevin,

Oh, my! Let’s sort this out. Maybe she’s an old-fashioned gal and was brought up to expect the man to pay. Look around her life. Is she warm and generous to others? Does she give you appropriate gifts on holidays? Does she treat waiters with respect? Those are informative clues to her character. Next time you go out, casually announce before the meal that you’ll need to split the bill. If she questions you, tell her you are paying off your truck and saving for a rainy day. Be nice about it. After all, you’ve not told her this bugs you. Contrary to what you may have heard, not all women can read minds. If she makes a big deal about it, that’s just another thing to put into the overall equation.

Time will sort out if she’s good wife material.

I’m just say’n.



Dear Carolyn,

My 36-year-old son just told me he’s moving in with us. He lost his trucking job and says there’s nothing out there he can do. My husband and I enjoy our empty nest and are sick that this is happening. Do you have any tips for us to handle this situation?

Jennifer and Jason

Dear J and J,

Your 36-year-old son “told” you he’s moving in? Really? How long has your son been telling you what to do? Never mind, I think I already know that answer. I don’t expect you to put him out on the street, but I do expect you to set some limits and stick to them. Pick a time and date for his temporary pass to expire and clearly outline what will happen if he’s still there after that date.

It’s hard to hold your kids accountable for their own life but you have to do it. Not just for your sake but for his, too.

I’m just say’n.

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