I'm Just Say'n

Going offline

Real-world mingling proves better than virtual disappointments

Dear Carolyn,

I wanted to respond to the driver who wrote about how popular he is because of his 600 Facebook friends. You told him he needed to get out more and mingle with real humans. And then, you got a lot of negative letters saying you were off base.

Carolyn Magner is not a professional therapist, shrink or even a very nice person. Her advice is meant to entertain you, not solve your terrible, desperate problems. Email Carolyn at [email protected].

I want to say that I couldn’t agree with you more! I’m a 40-year-old, single, never married trucker seeking a girlfriend. Last year, I tried meeting women through both Facebook and online dating sites. I soon discovered that they were not worth my time or effort. I decided that I needed to put myself out there and find her!

Today, I am active in two singles groups, and I have met more young ladies in real life than I ever did on the Internet. I am so happy I made this move. Believe me, years ago I would be nervous as heck to talk to a girl, even on the CB radio. However, since I joined the singles group, all my shyness is gone.

As someone once said, “If you really want to ‘friend’ me, do it in person!” Meeting people is something I now enjoy. You get a sense of their true personality in real life. I now use Facebook to keep up with friends but stick to dating women I meet in person.

God Bless!

Steve (from Ohio)

Dear Steve,

Thanks so much for your letter. I’ve heard from readers who are furious that I put down Internet dating and others, like you, who believe it’s better to meet in person. The truth is probably somewhere in the middle. My point was to not spend so much time online that you forget to live your real life. I think you make good points, and I hope you meet Ms. Right soon.

I’m just say’n.

Dear Carolyn,

I’ve always been overweight and insecure. When my husband and I first met, he was very understanding about my fears of going out in public where I feel like everyone is staring at me. As time went by, he started to resent my lack of social skills. A month ago, he moved out and said he was filing for divorce. I have to say that I don’t blame him. In fact, I can’t believe he stayed married to me for five years.

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I will be able to support myself because I am good at my job. But I believe I’ll be alone for the rest of my life. My parents always told me I was nothing, and I guess I learned those lessons well. I’m writing to you because my husband loves your column, and I hope he sees this letter. I want him to know that I don’t blame him for leaving and I wish him only the best.

Thank you for listening.


Dear Joyce,

I get a lot of sad letters, but yours is one of the saddest. Please get professional help. Make an appointment with your doctor, and ask her or him to refer you to someone who can help you. You are not doomed to live alone. You don’t have to define yourself by your parents’ negative views. I can’t help you. Your husband can’t help you. But you have the power to seek help. Do it. Right now. And then check back and let us know how you are doing.

I’m just say’n.

Dear Carolyn,

My wife and I are having a hard time getting over the death of our beloved collie. “Diesel” was our only child and the source of 15 years of joy. He rode shotgun with me on every trip and protected me from several potentially dangerous situations. Mostly, he was my best friend and helped ease the loneliness of being on the road. My wife and I are devastated. She wants to get another dog right away, but I’m torn. I don’t want to feel this way again.

What do you think?


Dear Jerry,

I am so sorry about the loss of your dog. I don’t know what I’ll do when my little fellow goes to the great dog heaven in the sky. It won’t be a pretty sight. But this is the thing: You are either a dog person or you are not. Dog people get dogs. Give it some time, and then open your heart to another dog. I’m partial to rescued pups, but whatever fits your life is the best bet.

I’m just say’n.